Roses in the Desert: Courted, Chosen, & Cherished Намуна

One of the lowest moments of my life happened somewhere on Nashville’s I-40. It was the night my husband moved out, and I was racing to catch up with him with my four-year-old daughter and one-year-old son strapped in car seats in the back. I now know there were no magic words to turn him around, that I was desperate because I felt abandoned, that my high speed pursuit was actually me abandoning me. When I saw myself as if viewing the scene from a drone above...my chasing a man--literally--who didn’t want me... I pulled off, turned around, and drove home. 

Mom watched the kids for the next three days because I couldn’t get out of bed. There God taught me Isaiah 30:15, a verse I still return to when I’m overwhelmed and crashing: "In repentance and rest you’ll be saved; in quietness and trust is your strength.” I realized that because my world had become my husband, his rejection felt like losing everything. I couldn’t change him, but I could let go, surrender, and let the Great Healer, Wonderful Counselor, Prince of Peace take control of me. And when I worried about my children growing up in a “broken home,” I remembered a verse that had given me hope through a childhood illness, my parents’ divorce, and two miscarriages: “God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose” (Romans 8:28).  

God provided supportive family and friends, a counselor who reminded me of my identity/worth in Christ, a group of divorced women who understood, and wise mentors who taught me a foreign concept: self-care. They convinced me to use weekends the children were with their dad to recharge. Over the years, baby steps—lunch out on a patio, walking through the woods—eventually turned into strides—a yearly overnight stay at a B and B, learning Latin dance, leading students and volunteering on trips abroad. Getaways with God—outings or time on my porch swing with my prayer journal and His Word-- infused me with superpowers I needed as a mom, teacher, and creative--wonder, confidence and calm. I made many mistakes— still do—but I managed to model for my children dependence on Christ daily to fill us rather than trying to love and serve others from a place of depletion.

My daughter, son and I became The Three Musketeers and life a blur. We went to school together and came home together—band, drama, chorus, football, cheerleading, soccer, wrestling and class parties in between. Summer vacations were Jaws I,II,III, and IV; SpongeBob, Guitar Hero; tea parties; Spice Girls sleepovers; picnics by the lake; and campouts in the backyard. We rode the Hulk roller coaster too many times at Universal Studios, the waves on floats in Florida, and a convertible up the California coast.

On the first day of school two years after both children had flown the nest, I sat on a rock beside a lake near my house crying. The halls at school and home were too quiet. I was lost and lonely. Then I remembered a passage two missionary friends--one living in Ecuador and another in Africa--had sent me over the last couple of years because they knew I was struggling. It was Matthew 11:28-30. A call. An invitation.

Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Getaway with me and you’ll recover your life. I’ll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won’t lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you’ll learn to live freely and lightly.

I soooooo want this life. Don’t you?