Secrets To Raising Wholehearted KidsНамуна

VALIDATE THE IMAGE OF GOD IN THEM

Blaine ran in the house screaming, “Sam is punching me and he won’t stop!” Sam dashed in behind Blaine, both racing to be the first one to get to Dad. What transpired next impressed me so deeply that twenty-two years later I remember it like it was yesterday. Dad got on his knees, eye-level with little Sam. He spoke with a strong, steady, kind voice. “Sam, God has made you fierce and has given you an incredible strength. Do you think God gave you that strength to harm your brother or to defend him?” 

Let that moment soak into your soul. 

The image of God is in all of us. It’s in there. Lost, confused, and shadowed, perhaps, but it is always in there. To know that the deepest truth about any person is that they are created in the image of God, is the single most orienting reality for our relationships. We must relate to this fundamental truth and ask God for eyes to see it. To have His heart for them. And we must love, respect, and accept the person we are relating to first as an image-bearer, and only then address their behavior. We love what we value. Recognizing the value of our children’s image-bearing humanity is the path to learning to love them into maturity. In order to organize our actions around our children’s image-bearing, we must look for ways to make clear distinctions between our child’s behavior and his or her person. The same strength that brings harm to a defenseless sibling can someday bring strength to those in need. How do we address and correct the presenting behavior without diminishing the glory of the soul that God is maturing deep within? 

How can you address your child’s negative behavior while simultaneously affirming the truth of his or her image-bearing identity? Think of a conflict during which, out of frustration or anger, you came down in judgment on your child’s identity through your words and body language rather than speaking simply to their momentary behavior. Choose a past interaction when this has occurred and make a choice to apologize to your child. Connect eye to eye and soul to soul in whatever way is loving for your child’s sake and not for yours. Do not defend yourself. Go to them and apologize for missing the mark in how you handled his or her heart in that previous moment. From your heart, offer thirteen of the most important words a parent will ever speak to their child: 

I was wrong.
I am sorry.
Will you forgive me?
I love you.