ControlНамуна

BELAY ON 

I won’t lie to you, I hate heights. I know that’s a pretty common phobia, but I have not been able to beat this one…it’s been this way my entire life. I have extremely vivid memories of being at summer camp when I was about 9 years old, and all my friends wanted to climb the rock wall. At this particular camp, it was a 4-sided tower that was about 30 feet tall, and you would climb up one side, and then repel down the other totally smooth side. Now, repelling is the absolute worst experience when you have a fear of heights. If you’ve never had the pleasure, you back up to the edge of this tower, then you have to lean/sit back into the nothingness of space so that your legs can take over and push against the wall while gravity gently pulls you down on the rope. That moment of shifting your weight to sit back off a 30-foot wall is the worst moment ever…my palms are sweating as I type this just thinking about it. 

But, as I look back on those memories, something insane occurs to me: the people running the rock wall at this place were no older than 14. This was a Boy Scout camp, and I cannot for the life of me remember an adult in charge at the rock wall…it was just some older scouts who had volunteered up there for the summer. So, at 9 years old I was floating 30-feet above the ground trusting my entire life to a kid who couldn’t even drive yet. Who was running this camp that authorized this?!?! And every time at the top of the wall I would yell out the call and response ritual for climbers. With my voice shaking, I would call, “on belay?” (which is climber code for “are you ready to help me not die?”) And then this child on the ground would yell back, “belay on” (which is climber code for, “yes, I’m awake and I’m holding the rope…good luck not dying.”) And with that, I would feel a truly undeserved sense of confidence that I could sit back into open nothingness, and this kid holding the rope would keep me alive. 

Here’s what I don’t like to admit: the amount of trust and control I gave that pubescent rock-wall kid back then is sometimes way more than the trust and control I give to God today. Sometimes I’ll face what is honestly a small issue - a little hiccup in my plans - and I will go into full-on control freak mode. I plan, I plot, I scheme…I make phone calls, send texts, research my brains out…I’ll do whatever I can think of to try and force the situation back into what I want it to be. And then God reminds me, “hey, you trusted someone who had just learned to apply deodorant with your very life back then. How about you trust Me – the Creator and Sustainer of the entire universe – with this little problem you’re facing right now?”

It never feels good to realize I’ve done that again, but that’s what’s so amazing about our good and very patient God – He never gives up on calling us back. No matter how many times you try to take control back from Him, He’ll gently remind you that He’s got this, He’s on your side, and He has a plan. My prayer for you is that you’ll begin living every day handing control back to God. And in those moments where you suddenly find yourself trying to take control again, that you’d be quick to turn it right back over to God. He loves you, and He’s got you…just sit back and enjoy the ride.