With All Your HeartНамуна

Day Two

Self-Allegiance

Scripture: Jeremiah 2:13; John 7:37–29

Recently my husband and I were talking about our marriage. I asked him how I could be a better wife to him.

He said, “I don’t like your relationship with Instagram. Occasionally you fall into these slumps after scrolling through and comparing yourself to other writers, and it really affects you. You talk to me about it, which is fine, but we’re having the same conversation over and over again. Do you realize that?” 

I hadn’t realized that, and it was painful to hear. 

I had a choice then. I could quit Instagram forever and always. I could vow to never compare myself with another writer again. These were my initial thoughts, because I’d much prefer to rearrange the symptoms than repent of systemic heart issues.

Instead, because I’d been thinking so much about the kingdom of God, I thought about what this consistent behavior revealed about my heart. I sat in the discomfort of allowing God to examine my heart’s allegiance. It was, of course, to myself and my own desires and glory. I wanted the opportunities those writers had. I wanted the numbers of people following me to tick up and up and up. I wanted a feeling of having reached the top, wherever the top was. 

I knew this was another time when I could choose to exalt and worship myself, or I could choose the King and His kingdom. I could choose either a broken cistern that leaks water (Jer. 2:13) or a fountain of living waters that never runs dry ( John 7:37–39). 

I looked again at King Jesus, acknowledged in prayer the ridiculousness of my obsession, repented of my self-allegiance, and bowed my heart to Him once again. 

When we struggle to find peace or joy, when we feel restless or unsettled, when we succumb to the same old temptations, or when we seek escape or control, what we’re really feeling are the effects of self-allegiance. 

What broken cistern are you drinking from today? Bowing to King Jesus may pain our flesh, but it rights our worship and heals our broken hearts with life, peace, and purpose. 

What is your greatest need this week? What emotion does that need stir in you? What does that emotion indicate about where your allegiance lies?