7 Day Devotional for the Stepparent Намуна

The ups and downs of stepparenting can be discouraging. And for many, the temptation is to emotionally withdraw to sulk or punish, to get angry, to retreat into your own children, or to just give up. Well, we’d rather you be stubborn. Stubbornly persistent, that is, in gently pursuing the child.

Sometimes the door is open to you, but you have to persist for a very different reason. In total, John and Kerri had three kids in their blended family. His youngest is a Physical Touch child. Her son and his older daughter both respond best to Quality Time. The problem is, John’s kids spend most of their time at their mother’s house where they receive very little Touch or Time from their mom or stepdad.  “At their house, kids are expected to occupy themselves and if they ask for some attention, in effect, they are told to ‘go away,’” John lamented. “If anything, they are told what they are doing wrong and that’s about it. We sort of have to make up for that with extra cuddle time and conversation when they come to our house on Friday nights. We have to make the most of our time with them.”

Kerri’s stepchildren were hesitant to receive love from her when they weren’t getting it from their biological mom. But Kerri doesn’t mind persisting for their sake. “When you love your kids well, it makes it easier for them to carry that love with them to the other home. We can’t make their mom love them better, but we can fill them up before we send them over there.” 

“And here’s the biggest surprise,” said John. “We’ve even noticed this has changed my ex-wife’s attitude toward co-parenting with us. We used to have a toxic relationship with her, but we made a decision that regardless of what came at us we were going to love her however we could. The easiest way to do that is to love my kids well so when they leave here their cup is full. She feels our respect and kindness through the kids and it’s making a difference in how she responds to us. She called me recently—usually she is angry about something—but she didn’t complain about anything or criticize us; she just wanted to coordinate our calendars. I couldn’t believe how considerate she was.”

Did you catch that? No matter their age, loving your kids well fills their cup and helps them cope with life in the other home—and might just help change the attitude of your co-parent toward you.