Love in Every SeasonНамуна

Day 2: Spring Is The Season of Growth 

The season of spring is full of growth. 

Like plants, relationships require a pattern of give-and-take in order for them to grow. If you are in a relationship in which you are constantly giving and never taking anything in return, your relationship will eventually stop growing. On the converse, if you are in a relationship in which you are doing all the taking and giving nothing in return, your relationship will soon die. 

This type of pattern cannot be maintained in nature or in relationships. Healthy relationships have to be made up of just the right amount of giving and taking. Spring is an important season, because it is the time to assess the pattern of give-and-take in your closest relationships.

1 Thessalonians 5:11, reminds us that relationships require mutual encouragement, edification, and building one another up. It's a two-way street. Give-and-take. 

But unfortunately, many of us are in relationships that are one-way. One-way relationships consist of two people, but only one person is doing most of the work.

The interesting thing about one-way relationships, is that no matter who is doing the giving or taking, it always takes two people to keep them going. Behind every one-way relationship there is a person who is giving too much and expecting too little. A person who continues to make excuses. A person who continues to see the relationship for what it could be, rather than what it actually is. A person who is failing to set proper expectations and healthy boundaries.

Some of you are reading this and nodding your head in agreement. But I know there are others of you that are not so sure. “Can you really ‘give too much’ as a Christian? Aren’t we called to love like Jesus? Shouldn’t we give, and give, and give—expecting nothing in return?” 

For some of you, the idea of setting limits and boundaries in your life is a hard one to grasp. You see love as an unconditional aspect of relationships, and rightly so. But loving someone does not mean allowing them to have a free pass to do what they want, when they want, how they want it, with little to no consequences. Love does not mean that we enable an unhealthy relationship, allowing someone to take advantage of us, hurt us repeatedly, or use and abuse us in the name of “selflessness.”

But selflessness does not mean ignoring your needs or keeping them to yourself. It doesn’t mean staying silent and expecting others to know what you want or need. And it doesn’t mean holding back, particularly when speaking up could be beneficial to your personal health and the health of your relationship.

Not only is a giving-too-much mentality unhealthy for the giver, it is also unhealthy for the taker. It fuels a pattern of dysfunction in a relationship, rather than calling the relationship, and the people involved in that relationship, to a better place. It enables the taker to continue behaving in a harmful way, without challenging them to get healthy. 

Healthy relationships are defined by give-and-take, and being a person who only gives and never takes is living a passive life, not a selfless one. It’s up to you to identify your needs and then express them in a respectful, assertive, and loving way. 

Take inventory of your relationships today and ask yourself if there’s an area where you’re “giving too much”. God calls us to guard our hearts, because our hearts are valuable and worth protecting. And having a healthy heart, leads us to healthy relationships.  

Ask God to help you set boundaries and limits around your heart, and make this the year of healthy giving-and-receiving.