A Different Kind of Love StoryНамуна

Jesus’s Vulnerabilities

When I think or talk about Jesus, it’s hard to imagine Him being like me—what does Jesus’s humanity mean? For some reason, it’s more difficult for me to believe that Jesus was ticklish than it is for me to believe that Jesus beat hell, death, and the grave to rise from the dead. But if you think about it, it’s Jesus’s vulnerabilities that help us relate to Him the most. 

We empathize with one another through common experiences—struggles, challenges, and setbacks. But Jesus’s vulnerabilities weren’t limited to physical issues. Jesus lived a life of emotional honesty too. He was impressionable (Matthew 8:10), sorrowful (Matthew 26:38), movable (John 11:33–35), and troubled (John 13:21).

During my freshmen year of high school, I experienced an intense and devastating betrayal from friends as my family went through an unjust period of scrutiny. My response: I withdrew. I shut down. And it was during this season of emotional pandemonium that I first developed the symptoms of a disease that would nearly destroy my body and my life.

You see, I am currently in recovery for a severe eating disorder that includes behaviors associated with anorexia, bulimia, and bingeing and purging. An eating disorder whose roots sprang to life when the news stories about my dad broke.

In the wake of what felt like universal rejection, a deep cavern had been carved into my newly wounded heart. A place I knew logically Jesus wanted to fill. Because He loves me no matter what, right? That’s what I had been told my whole life. The problem was, I felt ashamed. I felt angry. I felt alone and unlovable. I was unable to show compassion toward others and especially towards myself.

My eating disorder became my comfort. My safe place. My friend. And in a twisted sense, it became my way of feeling loved. Why do we choose what is hurtful to feel better? We’re all looking for the same thing—to be loved with complete acceptance. To be loved with a different kind of love than the imperfect variety that we experience in our earthly relationships. God wants to be the only One who is able to meet that innate need because He is jealous for our hearts. He wants to hold a piece of our hearts that no one else can touch.

Is it easier for you to show compassion towards others more than it is to show compassion towards yourself? Why do you think this is?