I No Longer Love My Spouse Намуна

Marriage Is not a Feeling

In our marriages, we all go through different seasons. Sometimes, our relationships feel great and fulfilling. We feel that we are really in love with each other. We are in a good place together. At other times, life happens. We feel stressed and frustrated. We may even be angry with our spouse. What do we do when we do not feel love towards the person we married? 

The problem is that we have a cultural concept of love: we think that love is a feeling. From the biblical point of view, love is not primarily a feeling. Our affections can be influenced by love; however, love is mainly devotion. It is a commitment. We can choose to love. In fact, the Bible commands us to love our enemies. Surely, when we are commanded to love our enemies, we can choose to love our spouse. Some days, you might not feel like loving your spouse. On those days, you need to remind yourself to choose to love your spouse. Since we are commanded to love, to choose not to love is a sin. We must obey God and obey the Scriptures whether we feel like it or not.

We also need to understand that we live in a culture where dating and courtship are how the two people “fall in love” before they get married; the individuals choose their spouse. Throughout human history, however, marriages were arranged. Of course, some parents would allow their children to have a say in the matter. Nevertheless, the Word of God also required love in an arranged marriage. Love is faithfulness. If believers were commanded to stay faithful to the person they were arranged to marry, surely we need to stay faithful to the person we chose to marry. 

Love is a choice to stay faithful day in and day out. It is a decision to do the right thing when we feel madly in love with our spouse. To love them back on the days that they bring us roses or cook us a really good meal that we like. We also need to love them on the days that they offend us. Love is a choice to do the right thing. We choose to love first; then, our feelings will follow. We need our choices to dictate our feelings, not the other way around.