Blend: Strengthen Your FamilyНамуна

Pressure Cooker

When April married Rockford 11 years ago, they each brought children from previous marriages into their marriage for a total of five kids. 

Rockford and I have both been divorced, and we’ve both been through our parents’ divorces. So, before we got married, we were sure to sign up for pre-marital counseling! I thought that’d be enough for what was ahead. I believed we could love each other with a 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love. 

Then, we both fought to be the center of the relationship. Have you been there? We continued to cling to the same bad habits and wrong mindsets that lead to our first divorces. 

Some people refer to blended families as a crockpot because it takes time for all the ingredients to mix and bond. That’s true, but our marriage, and I think most remarriages, are more like a pressure cooker. Lots of ingredients, under heat, with lots of pressure. Can you relate? 

Earlier in our marriage, and sometimes still, I can be a stewer. Instead of addressing my frustrations, I would just let them simmer inside. I thought if I said none of the words that come to mind, I’d have nothing to apologize for. More pressure. 

Rockford was, and sometimes still is, a spewer. He tends to say all of the words that come to mind when he doesn’t like something, and he’d just as quickly apologize. I’d feel attacked by the assault of angry words, and Rockford felt held hostage by the icy silence. The pressure built. 

Remarriages with kids require the same blending of beliefs and personalities that any marriage does, just with more ingredients, more pressure, and kids that need parenting right away while they grieve what they lost. 

And remember God’s command to leave your extended family and cleave, or bond, to your new family. This is just as important to a blended family, but it wasn’t easy for me. My extended family had been there for me through it all. It felt impossible, but all things are possible with God at the center. 

Unfortunately, we had put ourselves at the center of our marriage. The pressure cooker started whistling, and we both knew we couldn’t stop the explosion coming. 

Thankfully, God has His own way of diffusing your anxiety and pressure. It starts and ends with prayer. How else can we cast our cares, worry, anxiety, and pressure to Him? Tomorrow you’ll hear from Rockford just how hard it got before we put God back at the center and started praying circles around our marriage. 

Watch Blend: How Do Second Marriages Actually Work?, Part 1

Pray and listen: God, what or who is first in our family? What or who is second? Will You show me what I can do to bring my priorities in line with Yours? I am stressed out about ____. I’m trusting You to lead me through this. In Jesus’ name, amen.