Becoming Fosters: Brokenness And BelongingНамуна

Grief

“One of the hardest things you will ever have to do, my dear, is grieve the loss of a person who is still alive.” 

Life can change in a moment. It was a different beast when we brought Sweet Little Thing with her massive needs home from the hospital. I walked into that relationship selfishly wanting to keep my distance from connecting with her. But her need to attach far outweighed my desire to protect myself from the pain I knew would eventually come. 

Then that night came, and the pain of loss ravished our home. One family was reunited and in the same moment, one family was torn apart. It's impossible to explain how thrilled we were for her family, but how broken we were for us. I remember my body physically aching for hours after she left. 

Her pictures still hang in my house. I still randomly wonder what she ate for lunch or if she is having a good day. Is she right-handed or left? Is her favorite color orange or green? In a couple of years, I'll wonder what outfit she chose for her first day of kindergarten. I'll imagine if her backpack (probably about the same size as her) is covered in glitter or if she went for the cartoon character vibe. I wonder if anyone will tell her about us? More importantly, I pray for the day someone introduces her to Jesus. 

Maybe one day we will get an answer. Maybe we won’t before we get to Heaven. But as we cry with our girls after every transition, we remind ourselves that we did our job. We did a heck of a job loving these kids well and constantly. Yet, Jesus loves them so much more than we could even begin to try. 

Because of that promise we get back up, lean in, and say, “Yes” again.