Appointed To Bear Fruit: A 90 Day JourneyНамуна

Disillusionment That Led to Sin

Remembering bad events can be traumatizing. Little things can trigger a memory of that traumatic event. For example, I was very involved in the post-tsunami recovery of Aceh. I saw incredible destruction and smelled the stench of rotting corpses. My heart broke for the Acehnese people who experienced such overwhelming destruction and loss of life. That experience still impacts me today. Every time I am at the beach and see the waves, it triggers the memory I have of the tsunami and affects me deeply. The beautiful waves washing ashore trigger afresh feelings of sorrow that make my heart swell.

The memories of that terrible night were also seared into John’s heart. John remembered how Judas rejected Jesus, rose from the table, and disappeared into the night. Judas had been so blessed; how could he do this? He was chosen to serve together with Jesus, after all. Judas witnessed the resurrection of Lazarus firsthand. Like the other disciples, He heard all the teachings of Jesus. But Judas was disillusioned with Jesus. Jesus’ plans were different from his plans. Judas wanted to rule from an earthly throne. Jesus was instead willing to hang on a wooden cross. Judas wanted to be the greatest. Jesus was willing to be the lowest. All the blessings that came from serving together with Christ were not enough for Judas. Simply, Judas never submitted to Christ as the Lord of his life. Knowing about or having experiences with Jesus is not enough. Even the evil spirits know who Christ is. Many know about Jesus, but they refuse to humble themselves before Him. The work of Jesus should bring us to faith, but, instead, the wicked want to manipulate God for personal gain.

This is not just a problem for worldly people. Judas was not a secular person. He was a disciple who had left his previous occupation to serve the Lord. Yet somewhere along the way Judas grew disillusioned with Jesus because Jesus refused to be crowned king by the crowds. Judas followed Christ for the wrong reasons. He wanted recognition. He wanted to obtain something. But the work of Christ is so much greater than giving a few earthly benefits to Judas and the other disciples. Jesus didn’t come to change the world’s social system. He came to set the world free from the siege of Satan.

The image of Judas walking out the door stuck in John’s memory. Judas departed to do his evil deed. Jesus would not be made king according to Judas’ plan. Because of his disappointment, Judas despised Jesus, His teachings, and His sacrifice. Judas ate the bread and then he left. True disciples put their hopes not in their own plans, but in the Father’s will. When they are humiliated because they do the works that Christ did, they rejoice. Paul was willing to die in prison so that the gospel could be proclaimed. Many other disciples have lived and died in a state of lowliness. They willingly humbled themselves because of the gospel. They put God’s plans ahead of their own comforts. Carrying our crosses is not easy—they are heavy. But, as we fix our eyes on Christ and remember His example, He never disappoints those who are faithful to Him.

After Judas left, John wrote that it was night. John clearly remembered the moment when Judas departed from the light of Christ and entered into the darkness. What had already happened in Judas’ heart was now happening in the physical world. Darkness covered the soul, heart, and body of Judas. Apart from Jesus, the world is a dangerous place. As long as we stay near to Jesus, we will experience the blessing of His peace. Even in His death, Jesus was filled with peace. As He breathed His last, He proclaimed, “It is finished.” His death brought light, but Judas died with regret and in darkness. 

Application:  Are you living to fulfill the Father’s will?