Goodbye Grumpy Mom: Say Hello To Renewed JoyНамуна

REFINEMENT IS HAPPENING 

It’s been a sleepless week with our eight-month-old. After being spoiled with long stretches at night for the last five months, this has felt like a rude awakening. I expected the lack of sleep in the beginning. But now? I’m just frustrated. 

I’ve been racking my brain trying to fix the problem. Is Vana teething? Is she having a growth spurt? Is she hungry? Essentially, I’ve been trying to fix her. Then God brought to mind something I heard a pastor say years ago. Many times what we see as the problem is not what the Lord sees as the problem. Perhaps the Lord isn’t trying to solve the problem of the not-so-sleepy Vana. Maybe he’s trying to work on the heart of the too-easily-angered Valerie. 

Every unrefined area in motherhood represents an opportunity for us to change, even when we think the attention should be on our kids’ rough edges. It’s hard to admit that I’m the problem. I see these blaring missteps in my loved ones and wonder why God would use something so enormous to chip away at the ittiest bittiest rough spots in me. Surely my need to learn patience or give my family grace wouldn’t warrant all this? 

That’s my version, anyway. 

But now I’m trying to release the idea that I need to figure out the cause of Vana’s sleeplessness, and instead I’m trying to hear what God is teaching me. I’m no longer approaching this situation like a blacksmith trying to beat out a piece of metal. Instead, I want to be open to the possibility that I may not, in fact, be perfect and that God may be using this to transform me. 

This whole motherhood thing is quite the process, isn’t it? If I didn’t have motherhood to smooth out all these rough edges, God would use something else to chip away at me. I prefer this method—it comes with cuddles and giggles and footie pajamas. 

Sometimes the chipping away is so painful that I forget God isn’t cutting away the core of me; he’s sloughing off the dead skin like a pumice stone. I’m being refined and shaped into who God is calling me to be. Not bad for a shift spent on night duty.