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Sex: How Often?

Devotional

When I am counseling a couple and we talk about their sex life, one question almost always comes up. “How often should we be having sex?” This question actually bothers me. It’s like we are either looking for a quota to meet or making a checklist for sex in our marriage. What if we changed the question to something like this, “How often do we get to enjoy each other sexually?” That puts a different spin on things doesn’t it?  

When we see sex as a gift from God to be enjoyed in the marriage relationship, why would we not enjoy it as much as we can? Sure there are barriers that get in the way.  We get tired; we have kids; our libido changes and our testosterone level gets low, but none of those need to keep us from making our sexual relationship a priority. Are there seasons of marriage when frequency is more often than others? Of course, which goes back to my question: how often do we get to enjoy sex together? 

I think the quality is just as important, if not more important, than the quantity. That does not mean that every time you have sex there has to be candlelight and soft music and whatever. Quality means that you are both really present with each other in every way - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. You can have that with the romantic candlelight sex, or sex in the shower, or a quickie while the kids are napping. When both of you make sex a priority, see it as a gift from God, and are really present in every way with each other, I think the quantity question takes care of itself.  What do you think?

Today’s Challenge

Make one decision together that will make sex a priority in your marriage.

Going Deeper

Identify one hurdle that you need to work on together to improve your sex life in your marriage.