Happily By Kevin ThompsonНамуна

Happily Embrace the Hurt

A guarantee of love is loss. As we open our hearts to love, we also open them to sorrow. One of the most memorable moments of my life was kneeling beside my grandfather to tell him that his wife of seventy years had died. The pain in his eyes is something I’ve never felt. I’ve sat in a living room and listened to a wife make groans I can’t describe after she found out her husband was having an affair. I’ve wept with men as their hearts are breaking because their aging wives no longer recognize them.

Before I was married, I knew I was broken. But I had no idea the extent of my brokenness until I had a family of my own. The gift (and the curse) of a spouse is that you can’t fake it with them. But this is the redemption of marriage: our true natures are revealed and we have the opportunity to genuinely change our hearts: He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds, (Psalms 147:3).

Marriage exposes your vulnerabilities. Because of this, it is also the opportunity to confront your greatest sorrows. Marriage is guaranteed to include pain, so we should do everything in our power not to add to that pain. Wise choices are essential so we don’t suffer the unnecessary burden of betrayal, crushing debt, addiction, or many other sorrows that can happen by foolish choices. However, some of the pain of marriage can’t be avoided. It needs to be accepted and appreciated. For many, the potential for marital success is determined by our willingness to endure pain, to mourn our own broken nature.

We choose to love with humility because we have accepted our own humanity. We struggle with loving others because they have not learned to love their true selves. When we won’t confront the truth within ourselves, repent, forgive, and move forward, we live in denial of our true natures and give ourselves permission to fixate on the flaws of others. Don’t allow this to be a source of conflict in your marriage: For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins, (Matthew 6:14-15).

Does your spouse feel safe enough to be vulnerable with you? Why or why not?