Less Than Perfect—Broken Men & Women Of The BibleНамуна

Judas

Judas is leaning against a wall, once again placing himself a little apart from the others. His face half in shadow and half in light, he is listening as Jesus addresses the twelve.

“The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified,” he says. “I tell you the truth unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life.” Looking around at his disciples, his gaze rests upon Judas, as though he is extending an invitation.

But if it is an invitation, Judas declines. He is sick and tired of hearing about death. Nor does he want to be planted in the ground so that other men may flourish. After months of fighting off his doubts about Jesus, he gives in to the worst of these.

As the truth sinks in, Judas realizes that Jesus has no intention of leading an armed rebellion against Rome. There will be no glorious victory. Nor will the men who follow him be elevated to positions of power. Jesus is not the kind of messiah Judas has longed for. Embittered and disillusioned, he moves deeper into the shadows.

It occurs to him rather suddenly that perhaps Jesus doesn’t love him. Maybe he never has. He remembers how often during the last three years he has felt like an outsider, as though his was the only compromised soul in the bunch. He has tried making something of his life. But now he feels grieved, as though a golden opportunity that will never come again has been taken from him.

Then another thought. If he can’t have gold, he will settle for silver. It will not be long before Judas betrays Jesus with a kiss and sells him for 30 pieces of silver, the going rate for a slave.

Tragic as this story is, it speaks to us about the quality of our lives as Jesus’ disciples. When God allows a loved one to suffer or die, when he doesn’t act the way we want him to or as quickly as we think he should, what then? Do we abandon our faith or do we cling to Jesus, asking him to strengthen us whatever we are facing? Who is Jesus for us?