What to Do When Life Doesn't Make SenseНамуна

Is It OK to Question God?

My story starts on New Year’s Day 1997. My husband Brent went to bed early because the night before had been crazy.

We had rung in the New Year with our church family in Boise, Idaho, celebrating with games, prayer, and food. As the pastors, we’d been the last to leave, finally locking the doors at about 2:00 AM and dragging ourselves home.

An emergency phone call awakened us early on New Year’s Day. Running on three hours of sleep, Brent climbed out of bed and went to help our church members in their hour of need.

That day I managed to sneak a nap in, but Brent didn’t. He and our sons, ages 12 and 13, watched every bowl game and even went to the park to play their own game with some neighborhood kids.

By 9:30 p.m., Brent could barely keep his eyes open. With a smile, he leaned over and kissed me.

“I love you,” he said over the noise of the TV show I was watching.

“I love you too,” I said, glancing up from my cross-stitch project and smiling at him as he walked toward the hallway.

When I went to bed, about an hour later, I found that Brent had stopped breathing. I called 911, and paramedics rushed to our house. They were unable to revive him, and later at the hospital, he was pronounced dead.

“I love you” were the last three words we would ever say to each other on this earth. I’m sure thankful. It left me with no regrets.

But as you can imagine, my life changed drastically after that night. I became the senior pastor of our church and a single mom of teenage boys—two things I had never expected to do.

When a heart-wrenching event happens and nothing makes sense, some people balk at asking God big questions, either fearing the answer or unsure that they should even ask. Not me. I had questions!

I asked, “Why God, why? How did my big, strong, healthy 37-year-old husband, who hadn’t been sick at all, go to bed and suddenly end up in heaven? Why didn’t You tell me? How could You let this happen? What about Your protection? What about satisfying us with a long life?”

Maybe you can identify. Have you ever had questions for God?