Caring Enough To Confront By David AugsburgerНамуна
Day Three
What Love Looks Like
Scripture: 1 Corinthians 13:1
To love is to listen; to be loved is to be fully heard.
When I listen: I want to hear you—to hear deeply, to hear openly. To attend to what is said, how it is said, what feeling is conveyed, and what is wanted. I want to hear you with the inner ear that is attuned to the feelings, the joys, the hurts, the angers, the demands of another. I want to hear deeply, clearly, accurately enough that I am able—to some real extent—to feel what you feel, hurt where you hurt, and want for you the freedom to be all that you are becoming.
When I speak: I want to speak simply—to say what I mean in the clearest, shortest, frankest words I know. I want to reach out with my meanings to meet your meanings. Knowing that meanings are in people, not in words, I want to be as clear and open about my meanings as I can. I will risk. I will reveal my true self. I will be increasingly vulnerable to you by respecting your perceptions equally with my own.
I want to speak directly. I do not want to talk about people when it is possible to talk to them. Whatever I have to say to you, I want you to hear first from me.
I want conflict to call out the best in myself and in you. I want to negotiate differences with you in clear, respectful, truthful ways of hearing, speaking, and acting. I want both the truth as I see it and my respect for your viewpoint to be clear in my responses—verbal and nonverbal.
When situations of conflict become difficult, I want to listen in a way that validates your right to a different perspective. I may or may not be able to break through the walls blocking our mutual understanding, but I can express both love and truth best by refusing to get caught in the many communication traps, potholes, detours, and dead-ends such as the “whys” and the “it’s your faults” and the “you must change first” strategies.
I want to love truthfulness in our relationship because only then can I truly love you.
Why does listening to someone else communicate love? Why does honesty communicate love?
Scripture
About this Plan
Conflict doesn’t need to tear your relationships apart. It can actually make them deeper, more loving, and more rewarding. In fact, I believe that honesty and confrontation are crucial to lasting relationships. The key is to have respect for the other person’s view without sacrificing your own beliefs. Discover how to make the most of every conflict in this week-long devotional.
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