Grief is Defiance

I used to think that grief was about acceptance.

But—to accept the loss of the one you love is too much like approving death - a betrayal of their life.

Grief, I have seen, is defiance.

Everything in our body, it turns out, defies loss. To die goes against the intended order of things, against the divine nature inscribed on the human soul. As such, it is fitting for us to rage against it. The longer we live, the more likely we will experience losses and devastations too vile to comprehend. To accept them without a fight would be to dishonor the one lost.

Death is a permanent curtain of the ocean thrown over life, and we, the living, try to pull back at the edge of the water to reach under. But an ocean cannot be subdued. Never unraveled. There is no stitch at the horizon. The skyline is airtight.

Who can accept a thing like that?

To grieve is to acknowledge that death is not the natural order of things. Nobody, not a single person I’ve met, could accept a thing like death with ease. And why should they? Why should I? Why should you?

I want to tell you that you don’t have to. Do not succumb to the pressure to cauterize your wounds. Expressing your grief is an act of respect toward the lost, an act of resistance against the unnaturalness of death. As you mourn, do so with an emboldened spirit, knowing that even Scripture is filled with honest grievances—of desperate prayers, frustrations, and cries for relief from a pain-filled world.

Reflect: Have you ever considered grief to be an act of resistance? How might doing so change your mindset about the act and purpose of mourning?

Pray: Dear God, this world is too full of suffering. Have mercy on us in our sorrow. In your time, bring forth a great upending—a restoration of the fullness you intended for your creation. Amen.