Marriage Mattersనమూనా

Focus on that which is Praiseworthy

The day we get married, we are eager to say “YES” and “I DO” and “I WILL” till death do us part. Sure. Yes, and amen! Then what happens? What changes? When I told my father that I wanted to marry my hubby, I told him about all the great things that I loved about him. He was this, this, and this. And he could do that, that and even that. We were going to differ from all those married statistics of failure. We were going to soar through our marriage on our true love.

Several years later, after 4 children and 2 career adjustments, we were not soaring anymore. We were having to choose to love one day at a time. Drowning in a million things to do, I found myself resenting all the things that my husband “was and wasn’t doing.” So, who was in charge of the chaos in our lives? Who could I blame? I was overwhelmed by all my blessings, so to speak. I had a great husband and 4 growing children but found myself feeling defeated. 

At a business convention, we were challenged to make a list of 10 things that we loved about our spouses and then place that list on our bathroom mirrors (to help us remember). And if we were feeling especially out of touch and could not think of ANYTHING that we loved about our spouse, we were challenged to ponder back to the engagement and pre-wedding period… and have that person write the list. You know, the person that was thrilled and willing to marry. In doing so, I was reminded about several reasons that I got married that just seemed to disappear in a fog of busyness. The enemy had come to destroy my marriage, but I was participating. I had been disobedient to God’s Word that told me to focus on ALL THAT WAS PRAISEWORTHY. About my husband. About my children and about my full life. 

Realizing that marriage was not a sprint but a marathon, I quickly decided that I was in charge of my mind and what I was dwelling on. No spouse or child is perfect, and we are all sinners. It takes a lot of love and grace to live with your tribe. But I was determined to start focusing on all that was praiseworthy and giving my control freak a rest. I was on a “praiseworthy hunt.” After identifying anything that was edifying or uplifting about someone in our household, I would speak about it and celebrate it. Any act of kindness, generosity, service became a party to celebrate. I want to challenge married couples to find that which is praiseworthy about your spouse and then celebrate in gratitude for such. You don’t get it all. What a great treasure hunt to occupy your married days. 

Ponder:

How can you choose to focus more on the praiseworthy in your household and with your spouse? What are some concrete ideas to help you do so?

Prayer:

Lord, I want to obey Your Word to “focus on all that is praiseworthy” but I need Your help as I am often drowning in busyness or negative things. I ask you to blind me to the negative/death and open my eyes to the positive/life in my spouse.