Calming Angerనమూనా

Why do I get so angry?

Anger. Frustration. Irritation.

We all feel it from time to time. Sometime it just explodes—at our kids, our spouse, our co-workers—and we wonder if there’s something dark lurking inside us. 

Anger doesn’t have to run—or ruin—your life. In fact, if you learn to manage anger correctly it can give insight into areas of your life where you're living short of all God intends for you.

The thing you probably want answered first is, “Why do I get so angry?”

The simple answer is: You get angry because you have some hopes and dreams for yourself and your family, but all around you are threats to those dreams.

When you get angry at something happening to you, it’s always because of something happening inside you. Anger isn’t a sin. It’s just a sign. It’s a sign that one of your hopes and dreams is being threatened.

There are three specific hopes and dreams that we all have. We want:

1. Security: (physical, financial, emotionally)
2. Connection: (relationships, feeling valued and accepted)
3. Control: (feeling empowered to make choices and have options)

We get angry when we feel one of those three is being threatened. 

When you start feeling that threat, your brain energy shifts away from your prefrontal cortex (the problem-solving part of your brain.) At that point, all rational and reasonable thought basically shuts down. So we have to step away, take a deep breath, calm down, and get thinking straight again. 

That’s what the Apostle James is talking about in today’s verse: “let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God.” (James 1:19-20, ESV)

Take a moment right now and think about practical and healthy ways you can calm yourself down when you get angry or irritated—things like prayer, breathing deeply, or taking a walk – so you respond in a way that doesn't turn your anger into sin.

Write down today’s verse and keep it handy. When you start feeling angry, read the verse a few times, then calm yourself down in a healthy way.