Love in Every Seasonనమూనా

Day 4: Fall Is The Season Where True Colors Shine

When you're putting a puzzle together, you have to remember that the pieces won't be identical, but they'll  fit together. Their shapes will be compatible, and their colors will be similar. 

Healthy relationships work much the same way, and fall is the season where our true colors begin to shine through. It's the season that tests our compatibility. 

While some might define compatibility to mean similarities in a relationship, I like to see compatibility as the ability to come together. Compatibility is the ability to work together and to see life from the other person’s perspective. It is the ability to find value and worth in what the other person brings to the relationship. It is the opportunity to learn from one another. All over scripture we're taught the importance of being people who are constantly learning and growing. 

God uses our closest relationship to teach us, change us, and transform us. 

On one hand, similarities in a relationship do make compatibility easier. The more similar you are in your perspective, the easier it is to see life through the other person’s eyes. 

On the other hand, differences can add depth and excitement to a couple’s relationship. Differences can be the catalyst toward growth, maturity, and well-roundedness. 

Yet, at the end of the day, it is not simply the sum of a couple’s differences or similarities that makes or breaks them—it’s their compatibility: their ability to handle those differences. Compatibility is a couple’s ability to come together, respect, learn from, and appreciate each other in their differences. Naturally, the more differences, the more effort, energy, and investment it takes to “come together.” The more compatible a couple is—the more they can “come together” in the many aspects of their life—the less stress they’ll face in their relationship. 

Healthy relationships also require us to understand the art of a good match and the importance of compatibility. They require us to learn, to grow, and to change. 

If you are single and reading this today: beware of acting of desperation, grabbing a piece from the pile of relationships and frantically jamming it in, trying to make it fit. You may feel tired, lonely, and like time is running out. If I can’t find something that fits, I’m just going to make it fit, you may be telling yourself. You might try and try to make that relationship work, even though you and your significant other are not a good match. If you go that route, you end up with a broken heart—bent and bruised from a lack of discernment and understanding. But this doesn’t have to be the process, because the more you know yourself, the better you’ll recognize the type of person who matches your life.

For those who are married, it is important to acknowledge that differences don’t have to destroy you, if you come at them in a healthy way. Compatibility is something you have to work toward. The first step to moving toward compatibility is really seeing and appreciating your differences rather than simply looking through them. Sometimes, we get so accustomed to how things are that we react instead of stepping back to ask the important questions. Why do we come to the table with different perspectives? What has shaped our temperaments and communication styles? Where is there room for growth and change and healing? How are we going to choose to come together? 

Piece by piece, little by little, question by question, we can start seeing the big picture of our relationship, working together to create something beautiful, filled with all kinds of magnificent colors.

How can I learn and grow from the relationships God has given me?