Recipes for a Sweet Child Amid ChallengesMfano

In the daily grind of life and parenting, it’s impossible to avoid feelings of anger. The good news is, God doesn’t expect us to never feel this emotion. It can be normal and healthy. However, the Bible clearly states that we can’t let angry feelings lead to angry and sinful actions and words.

Anger is often an indicator of a deeper issue. It may be masking other feelings like betrayal, rejection, embarrassment, or fear. When anger rears its ugly head, it’s best to get to the root of the problem instead of simply trying to squash the anger itself.

When my kids are angry, we first take time to calm down. Whether it’s time alone in their room, holding them, or helping them through deep-breathing exercises, we focus on getting a handle on the anger before we discuss or address the issue. Once everyone is calm, we can then explore thoughts and feelings that triggered the anger.

For children who are external or verbal processors, talking it out is most helpful. Those who need time to process internally might require time alone to reflect or write down their thoughts. In either case, they will grow the most when they examine the thoughts they experienced before they blew up and label the deeper feelings that triggered the anger. You can then work with your kids on coping skills.

In our household, we regularly practice deep-breathing exercises, along with the art of taking a time-out to calm down before we communicate. From the time our kids were little, we frequently reminded them, “It’s okay to be mad, but it’s not okay to be bad.”

Teachable Moment

Create and decorate angry masks and talk about why it’s important to find out what’s happening inside when we feel mad. Make a list of some of your kids’ most common feelings masked by their anger, such as embarrassment, disappointment, fear, rejection, loneliness, etc.

Then, when your kids have displayed anger, ask them to consider what emotion their angry mask is really hiding. Practice completing this sentence once they’re calm:

I feel _____ when _____ because _____. I want/need _____.

Parents’ Prayer

God, please give me wisdom to help my children with their anger. Help me remain calm and communicate clearly with love. Reveal thoughts and feelings that trigger their anger outbursts and equip me with the tools to help them learn to control their emotions. In Jesus’s name I pray. Amen.