Grace to Grieve: After the Loss of a ChildMfano

Acknowledge Your Pain

At my lowest point, I began to have suicidal ideations. I had just lost two angels—my daughter, Angel Taylor, was born sleeping at 6 months. Not even a year later, my son, Michael Angel, was born with all the signs of life and vitality at 7 months, only to pass away a few hours after birth. With their deaths, it seemed my hope, joy, peace, dreams, aspirations, and conviction to live were cremated and scattered with their ashes.

All loss comes with some element of mental anguish, but the loss of a child is one that can easily make you feel as if you have been stripped of identity and purpose. You can get lost in thoughts of what you could have done differently and who your child could have become. Or you can attempt to distract yourself from the grief and pain you are feeling. I did both and neither were healthy or helpful. Know that the pain that you feel today does not last forever--joy comes in the morning (Ps. 30:5).

Other than names like “angel mom” that we give ourselves, there is no name for a parent who has lost a child. That does not make the loss or our pain any less significant. Take a moment to assess the gravity and depth of where you are on your grief journey. And if you can, give it a name. Are you struggling with guilt? Is it shame? Are you entertaining suicidal ideations? Give yourself a moment to acknowledge your pain and express how your grief impacts you.

Although Job is often praised for his ability to worship God during his grief, Job was in such despair that he tore his clothes, shaved his head and even cursed the day he was born. Whether you need to cry, scream, wail, rave or all the above, remember that every emotion is valid. Memorialize your thoughts and feelings in a journal or a personal voice memo. The Word of the Lord encourages us to fully cast our burdens upon Him and He will sustain us (Ps. 55:22). So once you have memorialized your thoughts, share that pain with God who desires to help carry the load. Read or say your thoughts aloud to Him.

Prayer: Lord, I am in so much pain right now. It feels as if my life has been turned upside down. I am struggling with (guilt, shame and finding a reason to live). Help me acknowledge my pain and show me that I can endure and overcome this. Help me to cast my burdens upon you that you may assist me in navigating through my grief and trauma. Help me as only You can. Amen.