A New Hope Smakprov

DESPAIR & GRIEF

Grief is never just about death but actually about loss. Hope differed can lead to despair, and despair is a close cousin of grief. Therefore, allowing yourself to grieve is healthy. It is a process of being authentic and real and decreases the potential of bitterness.

Some may want to avoid this as it may feel like a position of defeat and acceptance. However, some milestones make some realities harder and harder to process. For example, for women, this may be the proverbial internal ticking of a conception clock. For others with a dread disease, this may be the idea of missing your children’s significant life events.

Despair and grief can be exasperated by flippant comments such as, “when are you going to get married?” Or “When are you going to start having children?” For some, these comments can feel like a knife in the back solidifying despair. I remember replying to one of these questions about my singleness with the question, “when are you going to die?” A brutal reply, you may think, but the reality is that the answer is equally unknown, and therefore, exposes how unhelpful some questions can be. (Some of you may be giggling, thinking you can’t wait to use it as it punches a point across.)

On a more serious note, my encouragement is that when waves of grief hit, allow yourself to feel the feelings. Be kind to yourself and get the emotion out. Cry the ugly face cry. I used to think if I am going to cry, then let me do it at the maximum of my ability and get it all out. Painful emotions can cripple you, like nausea. It is hard to dream of a Sunday roast when feeling the painful emotions of despair, so get the emotion out. The benefit is that once the emotion is released, it gives space to more creative thinking as our thinking brain re-engages.

As you allow yourself to grieve, hold onto the truth that God is close to those who are crushed in spirit and broken-hearted. Never allow your emotions to define your truth; instead, hold onto the truth as you process your emotions.

REFLECTIVE QUESTIONS:

• What spaces have you avoided allowing yourself to grieve and why?
• What are the fears holding you back from grieving?
• How are safe people in your world that you trust exposing these emotions too?

PRAY:

Lord, I pray for a greater revelation of your heart in this grief space. Help feel our comfort so that I can be a comfort for others.