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Learn to Discern Worldly or Godly Sorrow

When you confront your husband and he notices that you are now confident and have a calm and self-respecting determination he hasn’t seen before, he may initially show sorrow over his hurtful behavior. There is a difference between worldly sorrow and godly sorrow.

Worldly sorrow is primarily self-centered and exclusively consequence-driven. If your husband has shed tears or displayed grief simply because he was caught in the act, or because his own sin has caused him pain, that’s worldly sorrow. Indications of worldly sorrow include the following behaviors:

· He fails to back up his words with specific, decisive, and visible actions – along with empathy.

· He promises to take part in counseling but backs out at the last minute, or he starts therapy but drops out, covering his retreat with all kinds of empty excuses, such as “We can’t afford it,” “I know more than that counselor knows,” or “I don’t have time right now.”

· He makes all the right gestures but continues headlong in leading a secret life riddled with sexual sins or affairs.

· He reverts to the same old deceptions the moment he’s told that he’s forgiven, and his remorse evaporates.

If you see these signs, you can be fairly sure you’re dealing with worldly sorrow, not genuine or lasting remorse, because your husband shows no empathy for another person’s pain and isn’t sorry enough to make a serious investment in changing.

Godly sorrow often produces positive results as soon as your husband’s behavior is revealed. You may be blessed with a husband who chose to tell you immediately when he realized he had a pornography or sexual addiction. Or perhaps as soon as his sexual compulsions were exposed, he told you the entire truth without holding back any secrets. Some husbands are truly repentant; they’re remorseful with godly sorrow, eager to mend their ways, and ready to cooperate and seek treatment. If that describes the man in your life, your road to recovery won’t be nearly so rough.

Next, we’ll look at your list of non-negotiables.