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Day 4: Push Past Criticism

Did you know we are four times more likely to remember negative criticism than praise? Nothing has a sticky factor like criticism does, and it’s usually not something that gets better the older we get. We get really, really good at stewing, replaying, and reprocessing negative feedback and criticism. It takes a ton of positive feedback to make up for the psychological effect of just one negative event. Understanding this impact is important, but it doesn’t mean you will be exempt. It just means you can learn how to qualify and regulate the criticism so that it serves you better.

Not everyone is qualified to be your critic—there are too many critics out there without credentials. Kind of like those armchair quarterbacks (someone who has no skin in the game, but lots to say about the people who do). Imagine a giant table, if you will, and you are responsible for filling every seat. Who you allow at your table is up to you. The people you invite to your table are the ones who deserve a voice in your life, and their input is worth listening to, even if it hurts to hear it. The book of Proverbs encourages us to turn a listening ear to wisdom: “Listen to advice and accept discipline, and you’ll be wise for the rest of your life,” Proverbs 19:20 (ISV).

Criticism has the power to help or hurt you, and it can also keep you in the window when you’re meant to be in the street. It can also keep extraordinary people from living extraordinary lives, for fear of being torn apart by critics who don’t deserve to have that level of impact. Fear of criticism is why people don’t speak up. It’s why people struggle to make decisions, or why we’re so uncomfortable with vulnerability. It causes us to feel intimidated, and defensive.

Confidence is the anecdote for intimidation, and David is the best example of this in response to his critics. He declared his confidence over and over again in the Psalms. One example is in Psalm 27, “Though an army besiege me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then I will be confident.” 

Confidence isn’t something you have or you don’t. Confidence is a muscle, and it takes time and attention to grow it and build it. Building your confidence will help you handle the critique you need, and to push past the criticism you don’t need to dwell on. Confidence is what separates the weak from the strong. It’s the secret sauce.

What criticism have you been rehearsing in your mind that you need to release?