A Blueprint for Growth

Have you ever tried to build one of those complicated LEGO kits? There’s a reason they give you a manual-sized instruction book (book, not booklet). You can have all the tiny colored pieces, all the design stickers, but it will not turn out the way it’s supposed to if the instructions are incomplete or incorrect. You may get relatively close, but more than likely all you’ll have in the end is a mess to clean up.

Your spouse is your blueprint for growth. Your spouse is there to help you figure out where the pieces go—or if they belong at all. It’s not about judgment. It’s about helping each other to become who God created each of you to be so that you make a stronger unit.

Irene and I recently built a house. As all homes do, it required a blueprint. Every contractor, construction worker, and plumber referenced this blueprint; deviating from the plan would result in false instructions. Mistakes are made when we don’t respect the design.

Likewise, you need to respect your spouse’s design and help one another identify where false instruction has resulted in hurt or trauma.

You and your spouse are a team, and it is essential you operate as one. In order to do so, you have to evaluate any toxic introductions in your life. Identifying the false instructions that you’ve been following is about finding freedom, not fault. It’s time to face your fears because love is stronger than fear— love is the only safe place to navigate your past so that you can be free in your future.

When you’re able to name your intrinsic behaviors, it can clarify ways in which you are uniquely equipped to help your spouse. Maybe you are a great conversationalist, but your spouse is socially awkward. Instead of seeing your spouse as social deadweight and avoiding large gatherings, see it as an opportunity to band together. By owning your spouse’s differences, your confidence will spark curiosity and your genius at conversation will provide your spouse with time to collect his or her thoughts, making what your spouse contributes all the more valuable. In short, you’ll be more interesting together than you ever were apart!

Because we care about our spouse, we want them to have a high opinion of us. Part of the reason we resist introspection or get defensive with each other is because we are trying to protect the image our spouse has of us. As you unpack these learned behaviors, be gentle with one another. Use care in how you address them and cushion any negative comment with praise. If you want to bring out the best in your husband or wife, you have to call out the best.

Scripture tells us, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above” (James 1:17 ESV). It’s important to celebrate each other’s strengths and recognize where those strengths came from. Remember that the gifts God gave your spouse are meant to bless you as well! It’s easy to envy the gifts we see in our spouse and get caught in a comparison trap—resist this. This is not an “us versus them” situation. It’s a two-equals-one situation. Awareness of each other’s strengths isn’t an absence of your own—it’s part of the plan, the blueprint.

And you are each other’s blueprint for growth!

Respond

• List strengths you see in your spouse.
• Write a love letter to your spouse encouraging the strengths you see in them.

Prayer

Lord, I want to be constantly striving to encourage growth in my spouse and in our relationship! Give me the wisdom to call out the strengths I see in my spouse.

Was this plan helpful? We adapted this plan from Two Equals One: A Marriage Equation for Love, Laughter, and Longevity by Jimmy and Irene Rollins.