God Showing UpUzorak

A Song on My Lips

As a teenager, Holly Christine Hayes was trapped in a downward spiral of alcoholism and drug addiction. She hit rock bottom when her trauma and shame eventually left her homeless. But now, years later, you’ll find Holly working in recovery ministry and worship, even leading Sanctuary Project, a community she founded to bring hope to survivors of trafficking, abuse, and addiction.

Why the radical shift? Because she had an encounter with God. And since then, Holly has never been the same. Today, she’s giving us a peek behind the scenes of how she communes with God constantly.

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Growing up, I always found my escape on the stage. I faced traumas from a young age, and something about becoming someone else or disappearing into song and dance felt entirely too good. For the first 20-plus years of my life, I gave all of myself to music, dance, and theatre, even getting a degree from a top Musical Theatre Conservatory, The Boston Conservatory. I worked professionally as an actress in theatre and film for many years but ultimately felt called out of the work when I came to Christ.

I never knew churches had music. I didn't grow up in the church and always imagined it was just a lot of talking and praying, maybe human sacrifices — I really had no idea. But I walked into a church for the first time a year and a half after meeting Jesus (in a stolen Bible, but that's a whole other story). First, I was surprised the place didn't immediately burn down or crumble to the ground when I walked in, and second, I was surprised to find they had music. "Worship," I learned it was called in the church. Of course, the tunes were sacred, but for me, it was the music. I instantly felt safe. I felt a connection between my past, full of music, and this new life in Christ, full of music.

Music is still my escape. But not escape in the way it had been. I'm no longer escaping to a life on stage where I become someone else. As soon as I met Jesus, I found an escape from everything on this earth, into the presence of God, where somehow every tear dries and every sorrow melts away. Music is my healing place. Whether it's leading worship for a conference of thousands or daily singing in the quiet places, my car, my shower, my baby's changing table (she loves Sondheim) — a song is always on my lips. This is how I commune with God constantly. It's how I fight off spiritual warfare, it's how I take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ, and it's how I train my mind for the eternity that awaits me.

—Holly Christine Hayes, fashion disruptor, as told to Rapt Interviews

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