C-"Cut off" all connection to the extramarital party & related experiences.

In Genesis, we see Adam's excitement when God, who had been searching for a helper for Adam, finally figured it out. Adam says this "woman" literally came from me, from my womb, and then in verse 24 of Genesis 2, we have a decree. "For this reason shall a man leave..." This is a spiritual principle. Although the verse indicates that becoming one flesh was intended for a husband and wife, the concept still applies when a man and a woman 'cleave' and become one, even if they are not married. So, there is a "spiritual tie" that exists between the "offender" and the extramarital party. Have you ever been just minding your business, and then suddenly, you think about a love or episode from the past? C'mon now, tell the truth! Well, if you are shaking your head up and down right now, or if this question triggered that experience, you understand what a spiritual tie is!

So, the "C" in the C.A.S.T. sets the foundation for the success of all of the method's other steps.

Early on in our marriage, we experienced infidelity, and it had the potential to become evening news and destroy our marriage. Thank God it didn't! After we worked through the tension and uncomfortable consequences (momentum) of the decision, Sh'nai and I could no longer operate in the same manner we had been up until that point. I had to make a complete 180-degree turn from my past actions. So what does it mean to "Cut off" all connection to the extramarital party and related experiences?

1. Remove all traces of the extramarital party:

This might sound very simple, and it is. It's just not easy. There is a difference. You must cut off all communication, text, video, or phone. Erase all emails, notes (if they apply), and voicemails or photos. These all have a connection and are linked to related experiences pertaining to the infidelity. In Matthew 26:41, we see what we all deal with as believers, and it is important that as (the offender), you watch your actions and pray for God's wisdom because your spirit may be willing..."but the flesh is weak." In other words, this is easier said than done. More often than not, it's the "related experiences" that have the greater potential to cause a relapse. There may be physical and emotional connections besides the Spiritual one I mentioned earlier. Be honest with yourself. The more connections, the more cutting (of your flesh) that is necessary!

2. Ask your spouse what they need you to cut off:

If you are the offender, it's not enough to do what you believe is necessary. The one you are working to build trust and relationship with should also have a say in what you should cut off. It's often the blind spots that exist that you do not see that presented the opening in the first place. Hear your spouse and then work to meet their request(s). This could mean changing jobs, changing communities that you live in, or even moving to another city, among other things. If you have experienced Infidelity, you may need more information to respond. Take this opportunity to get the information you need.

3. Once everything has been established, work together toward an acceptable solution.

Just because a request is made doesn't always mean that it is realistic. This is typically a very emotional time in the process, and both parties have to give and take, depending on the size and scope of the request. Getting a new job is one thing. Doing something more drastic will take a deeper level of commitment, sometimes necessary. Be in agreement about whatever you decide.

Alright, so we've established our foundation, the "C" in our method. If you follow these instructions and have tough conversations about the connections that need to be cut off, you are ready for the next step in the method, the "A," which is Accountability. Tomorrow, we will discuss the importance of accountability in recovering from infidelity.