Embracing the Gift of Sex in Marriage: Looking Through a Biblical Lens Part 2Uzorak

Common Sex Issues

Today’s verse in Ecclesiastes in essence gives us another picture of what God wants for you in your marriages. It is to enjoy your spouse for your entire lives. It sounds so good and really, as we step into marriage, it’s something that we long for. Yet, issues come up and our sexual relationship is not immune to them. The good news is that there are answers for us. Let’s look at a couple of common issues.

First, let’s look at loss of passion. There have been seasons in our marriage when we lost the passion. Probably the first time that happened was when our son was born. As great as parenthood was, our sex life suffered. We were tired. Our world revolved around him, which was fine, but we soon realized that we were putting our marriage and our sex life on the back burner. At times, we were not prioritizing our marriage and we knew that we were drifting apart. Our passion for each other took a hit.

We got back to the things we did before he was born that lit the fire of passion. We set aside time to connect and communicate every day. We began date nights each week and found a sitter that committed to us every week. Little by little the passion came back. It took effort and intentionality from both of us. It will take effort and intentionality for you too, but it is worth it. Don’t settle for loss of passion. Work toward a sex life you both truly enjoy.

A second issue is feeling disrespected outside of the bedroom. What happens the other 23 plus hours of the day has a direct bearing on what happens in the bedroom. I have seen way too many couples where the husband treats his wife badly during the day and then expects her to set that aside and have sex with him at night. That just does not work. I have heard many women in similar situations tell me that that makes her feel like a prostitute. How a husband treats his wife and what he says around others about her and their sex life directly correlates to the quality of their sex life. This is where we must consider Paul’s direction to husbands to live “in an understanding way,” considerate of their wife.

The same can be true for a man but it does play out a little differently. If a wife belittles her husband and is disrespectful to him, he will be hurt. That hurt can come out as anger or withdrawal. Neither will be good for the marriage or the sexual relationship. What do you do if this is you? To “enjoy life with the one you love,” requires compassion and empathy. It is keeping a tender heart toward each other (1 Peter 3:8). It is rewriting the script. It is reframing each other as two people that love and cherish each other and would do nothing to hurt the other. You can begin working on that today but at some point most couples will need a Christian counselor to guide them through this.

Sex issues in marriage happen to almost every couple at sometime in their marriage. The couples that address them find solutions and move their marriage forward. The ones who do not address them will continue to struggle. Ignoring or not dealing with these issues can eventually tear a marriage apart.

Today’s Challenge:

As you look at the issues of loss of passion and feeling disrespected outside the bedroom, rate together how you are doing in these areas using a one to ten scale with ten meaning that these are not a problem. Once you have your rating, what is your next step?