Adulting for Jesus: Purpose, Trusting God and Obviously BurritosUzorak

The Divine Blessing of Friendship

Not long ago, while driving through Texas for some shows, I stopped to visit the grown daughter of longtime family friends. She had married a year prior, then moved after the wedding to a new city, and now she had just given birth to her first child. (That’s a lot of change for one year.)

We chatted a little bit, and she expressed to me the deep loneliness she felt in her new life. She’d thought marriage and motherhood would safeguard her from this kind of isolation, but she found herself longing for good friendships more than ever.

Unfortunately, despite her efforts to get involved in a local church, she hadn’t formed any friendships or developed much in the way of community. Everywhere she went, it seemed, people were busy with their own lives and already had full social cups. There didn’t seem to be any more room for her.

I call this a friendship drought. We think exclusion from the “cool table” ends after high school, but unfortunately, it’s often part of adulting too. Sometimes even when we do all the “right” things, community just doesn’t seem to happen. At some point in life, despite your efforts, you too may experience a season like this.

No matter our age, status, or life stage, feeling like we’re on the outside hurts (especially when we hop onto Snapchat and see everyone else seeming to live out their best lives with a group of besties).

In the Old Testament, we’re told the story of Job. God permitted Satan to take everything from him (Job 1–2). Amid the death of his children, watching all his material possessions literally go up in smoke, and then getting struck with disease, one of Job’s laments, oddly enough, was his lack of good friends. “My friends scorn me; my eye pours out tears to God” (Job 16:20).

Unfortunately, friendships might not happen during some seasons. Your adulting responsibilities may get in the way of building or maintaining friendships, or people you’ve come to count on may simply abandon you or let you down due to their own circumstances.

Don’t lose hope. Separation from people doesn’t mean separation from God. If you’re feeling lonely and on the outside of things, take it before Jesus, who understands what it’s like to be on the fringes of society (Isaiah 53:3). View this as a season to grow closer to your truest Friend, and continue asking God, the giver of all good things, to bring you good community. It’s a prayer request He’s answered for me numerous times.

Before my most recent move from Colorado Springs to Atlanta, I prayed that God would bring me meaningful friendships in my new city. God didn’t immediately answer my prayer for friendship, but a few months into living in Atlanta I met Tracie. She introduced herself to me during our megachurch’s meet-and-greet time, and we quickly discovered that we lived in the same neighborhood. (Was this the adulting version of going down a slide?!) She invited me to join her family at our community pool that afternoon, where we got to know each other a little bit more. Later she introduced me to a few of our other neighbors, and over the next couple of years I grew close to several families in the neighborhood. We walked with each other through difficult seasons of death, illness, and other hardships.