Simple Ways to Find Friends

Many years ago, while I was talking with my sister Katrina, she mentioned a woman she had seen across the room at church that morning. The woman had just moved to town for her husband’s ministry position, and she and her family were new at church. Finishing up her description of the woman, Katrina said words that would ring in my head for years to come: “She will be my friend.”

Katrina’s intentionality in pursuing friends has remained important to me when I consider my own relationships and desire to pursue friendship with others. When seeking new friends, we can start where we are—with the neighbor we haven’t met yet, or someone who has children the same age or who walks their dog the same time of day that we do. We can also reach out to acquaintances. If you attend the same church or work for the same company, you’ve already got something in common that you can use as a starting point for conversation. Similarly, places that foster community—church or community groups, groups that center around certain hobbies, or even the PTA at a child’s school—are great places to find friends. Once you’ve pinpointed a potential friend, be brave in your pursuit. It took me a few months to work up the nerve and intention to ask an acquaintance at church out for coffee. She’s since become a wonderful friend.

There have been numerous times when I’ve said internally or aloud to others: “She will be my friend.” As Ecclesiastes notes, community with others is essential as two people together are better off than a person alone, because they can help each other out. Connection and community are integral parts of life—in fact, one study I read said that loneliness is as toxic to us as cigarettes. 

Yet cultivating relationships is rarely something that happens by chance. Instead of simply purposing to leave our circle open, we must intentionally pinpoint people as a key part to cultivating successful friendships.

Today’s Act of Friendship: Pay attention to those around you and purposely engage someone new in conversation with the goal of making them a friend.