Verified: Prioritizing Internal Growth in an Image-Driven WorldUzorak

You Were Made for Meaningful Relationships

When you hear or read about what those who are dying or in hospice want the most, it almost always comes down to having more time for deeper and more meaningful relationships with those around them. 

We can also relate to this when we’ve lost a loved one. We wish that we had more quality time with them. 

We were created for wholehearted, meaningful relationships and nothing can replace the value that they bring to our lives. 

One study, by psychologist Matthias Mehl and his team, researched the relationship between happiness and deep “substantive” conversations. They did this by recording snippets of day-to-day conversations through a microphone on the students’ collars and then assessing these “conversational diaries” alongside self-reports from the participants and feedback from those who knew them, about their levels of happiness. 

Long story short, the more meaningful conversations people had, the more happiness was reported by themselves and their peers. The happiest person in the study had twice as many meaningful conversations than the rest of the group.

We hardly need a study to show us that this makes sense. However, in our case of evaluating what we’re measuring as successful in our lives, I think it’s important to consider the quality of our relationships. Quality relationships are not only associated with a longer life-span and higher life satisfaction, but they are part of the bigger picture that sustains us.

If we have a million followers online, but little to no quality relationships in real life, we may want to consider the cost of this and ask ourselves where our devotions matter most. 

This is especially in the case of those of us who have a number of followers who are well-meaning connections but, in reality, are strangers. These are not our counselors, our closest friends, or those accountably doing life with us. While some connection is better than no connection, the illusion of social media is that we’re closer to people than we really are. These are called para-social relationships and it's part of what drives the addiction.

It’s why we have a generation addicted to the Kardashians and reality TV. We’re convinced we know people and have invited them into a space of our lives. We feel as though we’re being social and experiencing an intimate connection without having to do the work of actually being social or the vulnerability of true intimacy, which is mutually reciprocal.

Really reflect on this. 

The honest ones.

The ones who speak life.

The ones who hold you to your convictions.

The ones who know you and see you when you can’t see yourself.

The ones who sat with you in your darkest.

The ones who see themselves and also desire to grow.

These are the ones we hold onto.

Our lives depend on it.

Pause & reflect:

• Who are those you want to spend more time with and why?
• Who has helped you grow over the past few years?
• How can you make better time to prioritize your relationships?
• Where do you experience community or where would you like to grow your circle of community?
• Challenge: Reach out to meet with at least two people face-to-face this month.