Love After Marriage: Steps to Reconciliation Shembull

Day 5: Talk It Out

When we act out hurt and offense, it becomes disguised in many different ways. It could be disguised as withdrawal and isolation. It may come out in sarcastic or critical words. When we are hurt our defenses automatically kick in to protect us from more pain, and we are often unaware of the hurt that is motivating our behavior. Unfortunately, our natural defenses cause us to see our spouse as the problem and this creates separation, but real healing requires that we come together when we have been hurt. It is exactly the times when we feel least like approaching our spouse with an open heart that we most need to. We must get ourselves to trust God’s love and act according to His love when we are hurt or offended. It says in Luke 6:45 that, “The good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart.” If we don’t deal with the hurts and offenses that come inside of us, those same hurts will be spoken out and acted out. The enemy will not give up in his efforts to cause division and separation. This is why thorough reconciliation is so important. Reconciliation requires that we humble ourselves toward each other so that we may come together and live out the one-flesh union that God established when we married.

Ponder & Pray: Lord, please show me if there is any “hurtful way in me.” Show me anything in me that the enemy uses to damage my marital oneness. Write down anything the Lord shows you.

Activation: Use the 1-2-3 skidoo tool to get rid of anything you need to turn from and then go to your spouse and do your part to reconcile any hurtful behaviors that have not been dealt with. Use the Step to Reconciliation tool from Day 3.

This plan was provided by Barry and Lori Byrne, founders of Nothing Hidden Ministries. For more information about Nothing Hidden Ministries or attending a Love After Marriage Workshop or, if you are single, a Single Life Workshop, please visit: https://nothinghidden.com/itinerary/

Barry & Lori have been married since 1979 and have raised four sons. Barry is a licensed Marriage Therapist with 38 years of experience. Nothing Hidden Ministries (NHM) was founded in 2008 by Barry and Lori Byrne and is now operating in more than 10 different countries. The ministry of NHM has helped thousands of marriages, singles, and families excel at connecting and building intimate relationships with God and with others.