The Real Reason You & Your Spouse Can't Talk About Money With Out FightingShembull

Recalling what we have unearthed so far, let us now dive into understanding and honoring each other's perspectives.

Over the last 16 years of helping Christians learn how to manage their money, I have concluded that it's incredibly common to find mismatched values when it comes to money.

One is almost always a saver, while the other is a spender. Occasionally I see both being savers or both spenders, but by far, most times I see one being a spender and the other a saver.

But here’s what's great: the Bible encourages both saving and spending, in wisdom and grace. Proverbs 21:20 speaks of the wisdom in saving, while Ecclesiastes 5:19 reminds us that it is good to enjoy what we have. Both saving and spending have their place, and this understanding is essential in our relationship with our spouse.

It is so easy to see the foolishness in your spouse’s approach to money, but until you begin honoring how your spouse views money, things are unlikely to change.

Imagine the healing that can occur when we begin to see our partner’s perspective as legitimate, even if different from our own.

Speaking from personal experience as a saver, I can attest that it wasn’t until God gave me the revelation that He created my spend-happy wife Linda with intentionality and that she wasn’t “flawed” in her views on money that I realized God chose to put us together because I needed some of what she had. It was a sobering and humbling thought as a math-nerd who had always just seen her approach to money as wrong.

But this simple shift in my heart and mind brought so much peace to our marriage.

So let me encourage you today to start with honoring your spouse and how they view money. And the truth is, in honoring each other, we honor God. Our relationships can be the vessels of God’s love and grace. Communication, honesty, and understanding are the keys that unlock the doors to peaceful money conversations.

Let’s pray:

Almighty God, I thank You for giving me the capacity to grow in self-awareness and empathy. As I seek to better understand my own motivations and fears concerning money, I pray for clarity and honesty within myself. Guide me, Lord, in opening my heart to empathize with the financial perspectives of my spouse. May I walk in their shoes and, through Your grace, build bridges of understanding and compassion in the conversations about money. Help me to remember that we are all Your children, and guide me in supporting my spouse.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.