The Deepening Experience: You Are the Beloved Shembull

The Terror of the Night and the Arrows that Fly by Day

Eden fell, and evil entered the world. Evil that was intent on destroying what Trinity God loves – humanity. The story of your life tells that very tale of woe. No matter how long or short your time on this earth has been, your heart has already encountered things it was never meant to know: loss, betrayal, grief, anxiety, diminishment, fear, pain.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. We know that but perhaps don’t fully understand it. When Trinity God designed us, it was with Eden in mind. That was meant to be the context of our lives. We were created to live in a world that reflected the order and culture of Heaven. We were to live face-to-face and hand-in-hand with a God who was tangible. Even as I write that, my mind struggles to embrace it, as Eden is so far from the world we inhabit here and now.

When Eden was lost, and we could no longer live in the face-to-face presence of God, we carried with us an orphan spirit that has been the legacy of every son and daughter of Adam, save One – Jesus. As if that weren’t enough, our enemy speaks convincing lies and looks for opportunities to weave his narrative into our pain. The kingdom of darkness enlists the help of those it has enslaved and deceived. Our deepest wounds come at the hands of people, and most often, people who are important to our hearts.

For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in. (Psalm 27:10 ESV)

Or consider David’s experience:

For it is not an enemy who taunts me—then I could bear it; it is not an adversary who deals insolently with me—then I could hide from him. But it is you, a man, my equal, my companion, my familiar friend. (Psalm 55:12-13, ESV)

For most of us (truthfully, all of us), the wounds of our childhood have many forward reaching effects, for this is the game plan of our enemy. Whether the soul injuries came through the sin of another, the world’s fallenness, and our specific cultures (family, geographic region, ethnicity, church, etc.), or via direct enemy assault, satan’s strategy has always followed a predictable plan. That plan is if you can’t prevent life, wound it early, so it doesn’t function in its intended glory. Once wounds have been sustained, our enemy works to strike those same sore spots again and again throughout our lives. It is a very effective strategy.

Your heart’s story matters to God; you matter. It’s why He keeps all of your tears in a bottle (Psalm 56:8). Notice He doesn’t just wipe them away but keeps them in remembrance. God honors our pain and asks we do the same. Pain is not the end of our stories, and it does not define us. A large part of making sense of your life and finding your way in the story God is writing will involve giving your heart space and time to tell what it has experienced. We find healing from inviting God and trusted others into the story.

But I call to God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning and at noon I utter my complaint and moan, and he hears my voice. He redeems my soul in safety from the battle that I wage, for many are arrayed against me. God will give ear and humble them, he who is enthroned from of old, because they do not change and do not fear God. (Psalm 55:16-19 ESV)

Consider setting aside some significant time to talk with God about your story. Ask the Holy Spirit to highlight parts of your story so you can invite the Trinity into those parts – to speak to your heart, to offer comfort, to point the way through.

Spirit, would You show me parts of my story where I have experienced loss, betrayal, grief, anxiety, diminishment, fear, pain?

Jesus, where have I experienced the enemy striking those same sore spots again and again throughout my life?

Father, what lies have I believed about You?