Rebuilding A Marriage Better Than NewShembull

It stinks being mistreated, doesn’t it? To be the brunt of someone’s joke or to be picked on persistently by someone hurts to the core. It could happen to us at work, at home or even at church. The mistreatment could come in the form of name-calling or disrespect. It might be something more serious, like physical, emotional, or sexual abuse.

There are true victims in this world. People who have been attacked, injured, robbed, or even murdered. My guess is that we could all don the label “victim” at some point in our lives. There are people who play the victim card and don’t really have a right to. They have a “victim mentality.” When someone has that mindset, they basically blame everyone for all that has happened to them and they take no responsibility for anything. It’s never their fault.

I don’t ever want to be that person. Do you? But sometimes we are, because it doesn’t hurt as bad to shift blame away from ourselves or even away from someone we love. Being married brings its own set of challenges. Even without infidelity or another type of betrayal, it’s hard work to have a healthy, strong marriage. Sometimes our wounds are so deep and so comfortable that we just stay in a place of self-pity, which turns into a victim mentality. 

Only God can transform us from victim to victor. Here are a couple of ways to help you:

Choose forgiveness. Everyone wants forgiveness for the things we do wrong to the people in our lives. But we are far less generous handing over forgiveness when a wrong has been done to us. Choosing to forgive people for hurting you is a choice you will spend the rest of your life making. 

Remember that God can use anything for good. What may have been meant for evil in your life can be used by God for good. I’ve seen Him use the most awful circumstances for a bigger, broader purpose that you and I can’t see. There is a bigger picture. And once you’ve found some healing from the immense pain, ask God to show you what it is. Your pain can be redeemed.

Food for thought: Do you typically take responsibility for your actions, or do you shift the blame to someone or something else? If you are a blame shifter, why do you do that?