Pastors Are People TooShembull

The Six Roles in a Pastor’s Life

A good friend is just one of the six roles a pastor needs in his life in order to have the best opportunity to thrive in the pastoral ministry. Three of the roles fall on the professional side and three fall on the personal side. The three professional roles are boss, coach, and trainer. The three personal roles are mentor, counselor, and friend. I (Jimmy) have written extensively about these roles in an earlier book, Survive or Thrive: 6 Relationships Every Pastor Needs. I would encourage you to purchase a copy for your pastor.

Most pastors can identify his boss. Nearly every pastor has a board of elders or deacons, a church counsel or a geographic governing body overseeing their work while providing structure and accountability. If the pastor is the boss with no structure for accountability – there is almost always trouble on the horizon.

A trainer is a commitment to continuing education. A trainer can be a speaker at a pastor’s conference or the pastor of a nearby church. Often a short-term relationship, trainers focus upon the process of acquiring pastoral skills. Sadly, the majority of pastors are unable to attend pastor conferences due to finances and/or schedule. And, the majority of pastors in America today are bi-vocational, which means that a pastor’s conference hits the pastor in the pocketbook twice—once for the cost of the conference and second, the lost income from their regular job. As a church, commit to provide continuing education for your pastor.

A coach will focus upon pastoral skills, the pastor’s performance, and the task at hand. Coaching is usually a 24 to 36 month relationship although a coaching relationship can last for several years. Coaching is peer-oriented. Coaching is regular conversations (as opposed to a monologue) which follow a systematic process centered around a defined set of skills which can be learned and developed which leads to improved and eventually superior performance.

On the personal side, pastors need a mentor who focuses upon life skills. A mentor will assist the pastor in navigating the labyrinth of life. This is often a life long relationship. Many pastors reconnect with a pastor who had a significant impact on their life or a seminary professor who significantly shaped their life.

The most effective pastors have a counselor. A coach looks forward while a counselor looks back providing personal insight into ones self. The focus is on self-perception and how to cope with inter-personal relationships.

Finally, every pastor needs a friend/encourager. The pastor needs close friends who are 100% committed to providing encouragement through regular conversation, prayer, and unconditional support.

I can’t tell count the number of times I have met with a pastor who tells me that he heads a staff-led church (which means that he is the boss), and he has never had a coach. Furthermore, he doesn’t have a trainer because he is the trainer. He goes on to tell me that he lost touch with his mentor fifteen years ago, he has never been to counseling and if he were 100% honest, he has not one single friend.

When I encounter a pastor who has none of the six roles in his life, I know he is ripe for a fall. Pastors must have each of the six roles filled – including the role of friendship. Pastors without friends are pastors teetering on the precipice of destruction.