Forgiving My Father, Forgiving MyselfShembull

Recognize Our Need for Forgiveness

It wasn’t until the age of 36 that I began to understand the essence of forgiveness—before that point, I was susceptible, like most people, of holding an elementary view. I thought forgiveness was primarily about feelings. And since I was a master at masking my negative feelings, even from myself, whenever I encountered a need to give forgiveness I was satisfied to pray, meditate on some forgiveness verses, and then do my best to forget my pain. I believed the old saying that “time heals all wounds.”

Little did I know that, in truth, time buries all wounds that are not dealt with, and such wounds are buried alive. So, buried they remained, securely tucked away beneath my layers of denial and repression until I experienced a life-altering trauma—one that shook me to my core and threatened to tear off my falsely worn mask. Suddenly, I found my understanding of forgiveness wholly inadequate, and I floundered.

When I learned about my husband’s ongoing infidelity, all those old, living wounds reached out of their graves and grabbed me when I was least able to deal with them. I had to learn how to open all those graves and bring my wounds one by one into the light of God’s forgiveness.

I’d love to report that, in the wake of learning of my husband’s unfaithfulness, I kept my head clear and my heart wise, but I did neither. Instead, I found myself spiraling into a period of confusion and pain, and though I reached in desperation for God’s way through the storm, I suffered dreadfully and made a series of poor decisions that not only hurt me but hurt my children and others as well. But God transforms messes into messages. For me that is not just a clever turn of words. I am intensely grateful for the message He writes in and through my life even in my messiest of times.

We are all responsible for our own actions, and God’s forgiveness finds a way there too—if we invite Him. No matter what the wound or wrong, no matter who may or may not be involved in bringing the matter to the point of forgiveness and resolution, we have the opportunity to begin the forgiveness process with the one Person who is central to our experience of forgiveness: Jesus.

Do you believe there is restoration on the other side of forgiveness? If so, what may you need to confess before the Lord and release to Him today?