You Were Made for MoreChikamu

The Likable

Message

Have you ever been around someone who’s made you feel like the only person in the room? I’ve heard that sort of comment many times, and it’s never in a negative fashion. So what can we learn from people who make us feel that way?

A really interesting study in the Bible is of the gaze of Jesus. He’s always looking into people’s eyes and then telling them something important. But the look into their eyes always leads with affection and never with judgment. Today’s story from Luke 15 gives a perfect example. In the story, Jesus is telling He is the father and we are the lost prodigal son. And when He sees us sinners, he looks us in the eye with affection and calls us home.

Turns out, looking people dead in the eye is a unicorn trait. And it breeds likability. We found that one of the habits unicorns exemplify is an unusual degree of likability. Put simply, they’re the kind of person that after meeting them, you just like them. I’ve tried to study for many years how one can hone that likability. Here are two lessons that I’ve learned from studying unicorns that we have placed:

1. If you want to be interesting, then be interested. I had a chance to work around some of the most successful people in the world. People who are literally the best in the world at what they do. In studying them, and the unicorns that we’ve interviewed over the years, there’s a common theme. The more successful a person is, the less likely they are to talk about themselves. I know this sounds counterintuitive, and is not at all like the narcissists who always talk about themselves. Most truly successful people refused to spend the conversation on themselves. Rather, they deflect toward the other person.

Have you noticed how many times Jesus puts off a healing, a feeding, or a great act, to have a conversation with the person he’s in front of? Jesus was always interested in others first. Unicorns are too. And if you want to stand out in the crowd, and do greater things with your life, then show a greater interest in the people around you. People are far more likely to work with you on a project, or listen to you about your faith, if you’re a likeable person. Be interested, and you will become interesting.

2. Looking people in the eye begets likability. When you talk to someone, where do you look? Most people don’t look others in the eye. Don’t believe me? Which eye do you look in? You can only look in one of two eyes. Do you move back-and-forth? Do you look at the bridge of their nose? Do you think about any of these things?

Most people don’t think about these things at all, but unicorns do. They have an uncanny ability to lock eyes with others. And here’s a hack to doing it on your own. Look people in their right eye. In human vision, only one eye is seeing an object, and the other eye is merely there for depth perception. Over 90% of all humans are right eye dominant. So if you’re talking to someone, take a risk and guess that they are right eye dominant. By the way, if you’re not right eyed, you’ll figure out pretty quickly and can switch.

We found study after study that shows that when people feel they are seen, they like the person seeing them. Are you looking people dead in the eye? It’s what Jesus did, and it’s what he does with us. Make a point of being prepared for upcoming conversations, so that you can look the person who is talking to you dead in the eye. Then when they’re done talking, ask them about themselves. Ask them for more explanation about the things they just told you. Be interested in them and become likable.

The goal isn’t to become the most interesting man in the world, but it is to become a likable person. As my old preaching professor at Princeton used to say, people will not learn from someone they do not like. If you want to make a good impression, whether it’s at work or trying to share your faith, focus on developing likability. Unicorns do, and it makes all the difference.

Prayer

Lord, help me to look three people dead in the eye when I talk to them today. Then help me to ask them about them. And grant that your favor would fall upon me so that those who engage with me meet a likeable representative of your Son. In Jesus’ name. Amen.