Soul Care: 7 Days of Life-Giving PracticesChikamu

Day 6: Relationships

Community is a biblical reality in addition to a psychological necessity. In fact, right at the start of human history, we read ten powerful words out of the mouth of God in Genesis 2:18: “The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone.’” And so He created us, in His image, to live and breathe and move in the context of community.

Jesus Himself understood this truth, and He was deliberate in His pursuit of community. He surrounded Himself with and entrusted Himself to a community of friends and family. For three whole years, He lived in community with His disciples. They traveled together, ate together, told stories together, served together, prayed together, and even shared their finances. They did life together.

I think this is something we’re missing, specifically in our Western society. We mostly do life alone, and at best, we come together every now and again. But what about cultivating a community? Inspired by the life of Jesus, by the way He did community, and by my experience as a professional counselor, I’ve noted a few things to consider when cultivating a rhythm of community and connection:

Deal with Your Hurts: The healthier you become emotionally, the easier it is to recognize relationships that are good for you. You may have had some really bad experiences, and for that, I’m deeply sorry—but don’t allow those experiences to become your pattern. Don’t allow those experiences to deter you from the life-giving relationships you were meant to have.

Get Plugged In: Jesus modeled intentionality in his relationships, so look around right now and ask yourself if you’re being purposeful in your social life. Are you actively serving and connecting in your church? Is there a ministry or service opportunity you could get plugged in with? Do you have a hobby or interest that puts you in closer proximity to others? Push yourself out of your comfort zone and connect.

Look for Give-and-Take: Healthy relationships are a two-way street—they must be if you want them to last. Jesus was so good at giving, but believe it or not, He also asked for things in return. He asked His friends for help and shared His needs with them. Even though He was God, He knew that healthy relationships were defined by give-and-take, and He gave His friends the opportunity to give back to Him both emotionally and physically (Luke 22:8).

Invite People In: Community matters more than the commodities. Building community means sharing the highs and lows of my life, opening up about my strengths and weaknesses, and asking for prayer or practical help when I have a need. It means talking about what God is doing in our lives, what we’re learning, and where we’re struggling. Community means an open door to my home, but mostly, it’s an open door to my heart.

Healthy community is a marker of a healthy soul. In contrast, isolation and loneliness are the markers of a hurting soul. In community, we learn the give-and-take of healthy relationships. Like Bob Goff says so well, “What I’ve come to realize is if I really want to ‘meet Jesus,’ then I have to get a lot closer to the people He created.”[i]

[i] Bob Goff, Everybody Always (Nashville, TN: Nelson Books, 2018), 5.