Choosing Forgiveness: A 5-Day Plan From Nancy DeMoss WolgemuthChikamu

Day 3: The Damage of Unforgiveness

If we want to be free, we first have to acknowledge the depths that unforgiveness has reached in our lives; we have to recognize the damage it’s caused—and can cause. And we have to deal with the fact that our unforgiveness is a sin, just as the original offense was. No worse of a sin, but certainly no less of one.

When we fail to deal with hurt God’s way, when we harbor resentment in our hearts, that bitterness—like an infection—will fester and work its way into our system, until ultimately we start viewing everything through the eyes of hurt—everything others do, everything that happens to us.

Let’s explore further what bitterness can do, and—more important—begin to discover how it can be overcome by the power and grace of our great God.

When we refuse to forgive, we cannot experience God’s love and forgiveness.

Most of us have quoted many times this petition from the Lord’s Prayer: “Forgive us our debts as we forgive our debtors.” The wording of that request should lead us to ask ourselves, “What if God only forgave me to the extent that I’ve been willing to forgive those who’ve sinned against me?” It’s sobering to think about.

And it’s something we can’t ignore, for in the verses that follow directly after the Lord’s Prayer in Matthew 6, we hear Jesus saying, “If you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses” (vv. 14–15).

When we refuse to forgive, something is blocked in our relationship with the Father. The Scripture affirms what our own experience confirms—a clear connection between our willingness to extend forgiveness to others, and our ability to appropriate and experience His forgiveness for our sins.

Those who hold on to bitterness, who refuse to forgive, cannot hope to enjoy the full, sweet taste of His compassion and mercy.

The cure for bitterness is to trust both His hand and His heart and to “approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that [you] may receive mercy and find grace for help at the time of [your] need” (Hebrews 4:16 nasb). Yes, grace is there, because He is there.

Even Jesus Himself, by the Father’s divine plan and purpose, was perfected “through suffering” (Hebrews 2:10), not only to gain our eternal salvation but also to know what it feels like to be treated harshly, to be taken advantage of, to be misunderstood—as you have been.

The root of bitterness will infest every inch of ground in your life if you let it. But God invites you—urges you—to reach out and receive His grace. In so doing, your heart will be set free from the vise of unforgiveness; you will be released to love and serve Him and others. No longer will that root of bitterness trouble you and “defile” others; instead, His grace will flow through you to others, blessing everything you touch.