The Ministry of MarriageChikamu

WHAT ARE WE DOING?

My wife Kara and I were two young college kids with no sense of purpose or direction in life when we exchanged vows in Tulsa, Oklahoma, on a cool autumn Saturday afternoon, on November 23rd, way back in 1996. I would be lying to you if I told you I was ready for the challenges ahead of me of becoming her husband, protector and provider. I was only 21 years old at the time with no college degree, no career and no blueprint of what a successful marriage looked like in my immediate family. All I had was faith in God and an adventurous heart that was willing to take the plunge into the deep waters of married life with the woman I was smitten by; to see what it was all about. And let me be the first to admit, it was far from what I assumed it would be, based on what I read in books or what I saw in movies. Now that you’re married, I’m sure many of you can relate.

Have you ever stopped for a moment to ask yourselves, “What are we doing?” The complexities of marriage can be overwhelming at times and nothing we studied or read, no webinar series or instructional videos can prepare you for the task of being married to your spouse. We approach marriage with all of these preconceived ideas or assumptions of how we expect things to be, but then we’re hit with a dose of reality once we make it back from the honeymoon and it's time to start the real work. The Bible says in Proverbs 19:22, “Many are the plans in a man’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” Once we begin to understand that we can’t do marriage in our own wisdom or in our own strength, and we allow God to be our Master Teacher, we can be more prepared for the daily grind of marriage. And yes marriage is a grind, daily. And it's in those small daily lessons you learn to be a better husband and a better wife. Things like learning your spouse’s love language and speaking it fluently, adopting the mindset of a servant, learning how to anticipate or predict their needs or desires and mastering the art of communication. Learning to hear their heart and not just their words all while hearing what they are saying by what they‘re not saying is a game-changer in marriage.

More importantly, when you submit to the word of God and the Holy Spirit’s leading and guidance, you become more equipped to be effective in your roles as husband and wife. Furthermore, when you surrender your marriage to God and take the posture of being a steward over that which He has blessed you with, it becomes much easier to do the daily work and focus on pleasing God through serving your spouse. Believe it or not, marriage is a good thing and God designed it to be fulfilling, fun and fruitful. Don’t allow the daily frustrations of life to distract you from making your marriage a sweet-smelling fragrance to God. Your marriage is God’s gift to you, what you make of it is your gift to God. Marriage is ministry.

Prayer: Father, You have blessed me with a spouse and life partner. Forgive me for the times I’ve taken them for granted and even for the times I’ve complained or been ungrateful. Give me a pure heart and a desire to love them the way You desire for them to be loved by me. Teach us to be students of one another and learn each other's desires, passions and dreams and allow us to pursue them with tenacity and persistence. Let Your Holy Spirit fill in the gaps of the areas we don’t know what to do. We need Your wisdom and insight and we thank You in advance for it. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.