Redeeming The Feminine SoulChikamu

Misogyny – A Common Malady

The word misogyny comes from the Greek misos, meaning “hatred,” and gyne, meaning “woman.” People often use this term quite literally to mean “hatred of women.”

Before participating in a healing program, I had never really considered that women could be misogynists, that we can internalize the misogyny we have received and actually despise and suppress uniquely feminine aspects in ourselves. We might reject uniquely feminine roles such as motherhood. Or, we might embrace and value traditionally masculine traits, including power, reason, and initiative, while spurning traditionally feminine ones, such as tenderness, emotion, and intuition. This more subtle form of misogyny manifests as a hatred of the feminine—of what women uniquely contribute and represent. Ironically feminists who are supposed to promote women are some of the worst perpetrators of this type of misogyny.

Like many women, I never would have dreamed that I harbored misogynistic attitudes. I felt a deep affinity with those of my gender and wanted to promote the interests of women as much as possible. But in the late nineties, I attended a conference sponsored by Ministries of Pastoral Care—a ministry founded by Leanne Payne. There I was introduced to the many ways misogyny can manifest. At first it was purely academic to me. Then, during a session Payne was leading, I began to have a visceral response to her. Now deceased, Payne was in her late sixties at the time and was grandmotherly in her delivery. She would often refer to the audience as “dear ones” and would speak to us in soft and tender tones. She also communicated poetically, which irritated me. I wanted her to communicate concepts efficiently and succinctly. As I listened to her my frustration turned to disgust, and I began to ruminate about how much I disliked her. She was too sweet, too soft-spoken, too—something I couldn’t quite put my finger on. Then it hit me. She was too feminine.

That was an epiphany. I realized at the time that disliking someone simply because she was extremely feminine was not good. I naturally began examining why I would have such a negative response to someone simply because she was feminine. Over the next several days and weeks, I realized that I associated certain feminine characteristics with weakness. I thought weakness was what allowed men to dominate and dismiss women, so it was something I shunned.