7 Myths Women Believe & the Biblical Truths Behind ThemChikamu

The Myth: “I Can Do It All”

I’d never dreamed how hard being a mom would be. It’s a 24/7 job. The biggest shocker for me was to realize there are no holidays, no personal days and no paid vacations in this job. How do other moms do it? I wondered as I tried to balance all the adjustments in my life with a baby, a move and fixer-upper farmhouse. What about full-time working moms and those with several children? I can’t imagine! . . . Oh, but I can, and it scares me!

Maybe I’m too selfish. I married at age thirty and had a baby at thirty-three. I enjoyed a lot of time by myself when I was single. I had a corporate career, lived in a big city, traveled across the nation and had a beautiful apartment. At the same time, I had always dreamed of buying a farm and getting out of the city, raising my kids in the fresh air and being home with them.

Well, I got what I wanted. My husband and I bought a bit of land, and we’re making a go of it. We have a happy baby boy. But my dreams are a little different than the reality we’re living. I thought I’d have so much time that my house would be spotless, the laundry would be done and all our meals would be home-cooked, local and organic.

Sure, I laugh now too, but I honestly thought I could follow this model in today’s hectic, always-on-demand culture! I have to admit, I used to look down on moms who looked frazzled or lost control of their kids or fed them fast food, or (worst of all) let their bodies go. I’d always thought I could do it all.

In my heart, I know raising my son is the most important job I have. But does that mean that I need to give up everything else? Sometimes I think so. So far, we’ve had a good season on our farm, and I have a blog that is starting to get some interest. But I never feel like I’m keeping it all going at once. If I do everything I’m supposed to do, there’s no extra time to do anything for myself. Sometimes I wonder how I’ll stay afloat.

The Truth

Ah, the notorious Proverbs 31 woman—the woman we sometimes love to hate! Super-mom activists point to her as a woman who “does it all” (and does it well). The more likely scenario is that this passage is a composite of many women, not one super-woman. The expectation of being perfect has to go. If you’re a mom struggling to do it all, keep this in mind:

• Put your relationships first. That seems like a given, right? However, keeping your marriage strong as well as focusing on your children will look different for each woman.

• Ask yourself, “What regrets do I not want to have?” Let this help guide your choices. For example, one argument against daycare is that your child spends more time during the day with someone else than they do with you. In contrast, some stay-at-home moms are so absorbed in their own lives and enroll their children in so many activities that they don’t spend much time with them anyway.

• Work as a team with your husband, and know what your marriage can afford. Even if you stay home, you still desperately need your husband’s help—marriage and parenting are joint efforts. Consider Nehemiah’s strategy for his massive undertaking—he didn’t do it by himself. He practiced a divide-and-conquer philosophy (see Nehemiah 3). Utilize the support people in your life (if you’re married, your husband; if you’re a single mom, a family or church member or friend) to enable you to do what you need to do (and occasionally what you want to do).