Honor the Journey, Release the Dream

Unbearable aching pain. Shattered dreams. Knots in my stomach. Silence, staring into nothingness. Panic attacks. Sleepless nights.

At the beginning of a marriage, you unite with a person, uniting dreams, visions, and goals. There are plans to build this, overcome that, and create an impenetrable family. But what do you do with the dreams once they have been demolished by divorce? How do you make sense of the pain?

I remember pondering over this early in my divorce. I felt like a victim. Life was happening to me, and I could do nothing about it. My brain needed to figure out how to take these shattered pieces of a dream once whole and turn them into something that made sense. This life was my new normal, and quite frankly, I didn’t like it. It was uncomfortable and heavy from the weight of all the pain. I felt awkward, cry spells were daily, and I would have done anything for things to simply be the same. I wanted my dream.

Little did I know, God was planting in me a new dream, an emboldened vision, and a future that I could not even fathom, and He’s doing the same for you. You can’t put the pieces of your dream back together again in your strength (Philippians 4:13). Nothing makes sense right now, and that’s ok. God doesn’t need you to have all the decisions figured out. Trust that He plans to bring every hidden thing to the light (Job 12:22), and restoring your hope is a top priority (Romans 15:13).

First, you must honor the journey, mourn what you have lost and release the old dream. Your former marriage and the resulting pain of divorce are not a waste (James 1:2-4). Resist the instinct to rush past, honoring where you’ve been and the lessons to carry from it. Just because your marriage is over doesn’t mean your calling or the work God wants to accomplish through you is done.

Create space to mourn every single loss (Matthew 5:4), and let the old dream die so that Christ can restore a new one. Mourn the promises, the security, the unity, and the bonds. Allow yourself to be vulnerable and feel all the feelings that come up so God can heal you. As scary as this sounds, we serve a faithful God who has promised never to leave or forsake you (Hebrews 13:5). You never do this work alone. Even better is the news that Romans 8:28 gives us that “all things work together for the good of those who love God.” This doesn't mean that any of the terrible things you are going through are your fault or are in themselves good. It does mean that despite those things, God will work them out or turn them into good.

God has a plan for your life that no one can interrupt. Divorce doesn’t discredit or deny you.

You can heal, dream and hope again.

Prayer:

Dear heavenly father, thank you for the journey I am on. Today I cry out on behalf of every shattered dream that was lost in my divorce. God, I pray that you give me the strength to mourn every single one of them. Help my brain to process the emotional turmoil, the internal shame, and the public humiliation. Help my mind to erase the lies I have believed about myself and my future. After the mourning process, give me the boldness to get back up and receive a new dream, hope, and future for my life. I trust your faithfulness, God but help my unbelief. In Jesus’ name, amen.

Reflection Questions:

1. In what ways can you honor the journey and the lessons of your former marriage?
2. After acknowledging the pain of your shattered dreams, what small practical steps can you take daily to release them?