Sprout: 21 Days for the Fruit of the Spirit to Bloom in Your LifeChikamu

Giving Up My Right to Be Right

By Dr. Irini Fambro

But what happens when we live God’s way? He brings gifts into our lives, much the same way that fruit appears in an orchard—things like affection for others, exuberance about life, serenity. We develop a willingness to stick with things, a sense of compassion in the heart, and a conviction that a basic holiness permeates things and people. We find ourselves involved in loyal commitments, not needing to force our way in life, able to marshal and direct our energies wisely. —Galatians 5:22–23 MSG

I like being right. I mean, who can honestly say they enjoy being wrong? I like having the right answers to a question, an equation, a good place to eat, a puzzle … you name it. The only problem is that it has trained my ear to listen for what I am against, what I don’t agree with, and what I think is wrong. This mental framework makes every conversation a lot of work. I am constantly analyzing, comparing, contrasting, evaluating, and overthinking what people are saying. What ensues are conversations that produce the kind of fruit that Paul listed before the fruit of the Spirit: “hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division” (Galatians 5:19-20 NLT). Of course, I don’t name the fruit of those conversations in that way because I justify them in a more eloquent way. I am not hostile; I am Egyptian, and we are just a passionate people. I am not quarreling; I’m simply offering another perspective. I’m not jealous; I’m just observing someone’s life. I’m not angry—again, I already told you I am passionate! I am not selfish; I talk about other people all the time. I am not creating dissension; I’m just being discerning. I am definitely not divisive; I just have my own opinion.

Is that too much honesty? Can I give space for each of us to be real about the struggle to be human? The unappealing fruit Paul listed is what stems from a life that “develops out of trying to get your own way all the time” (Galatians 5:19 MSG). Ugh! Here I am, where I started, with the desire to be right, which is really a disguise for getting my way all the time. Maybe I do have a part to own in all the hostility, quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfishness, dissension, and division around me. Have I sown seeds through my thoughts, words, silence, facial expressions, side-texts, and actions that produce the wrong fruit around me?

The reality is that I would have to answer “yes” (insert mourning face emoji here). If you share in this honest confession, then Paul wants to offer us hope today. There is another seed we can sow. There is another life offered to each of us. God offers freedom that can release each of us from the enslaving life our humanity creates. Life in partnership with the Holy Spirit gives us the opportunity to produce the fruit of the Spirit: “love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control” (Galatians 5:22–23 NLT). This is the fruit I desire to produce. This is where I want to get it right.

Now, the fruit of the Spirit is not supposed to be seen as an à la carte selection—"I will take love, joy, and peace, but I am highly allergic to patience and gentleness.” I know it would be better if it could just stay as a nice thought or a great idea. Yet the Holy Spirit wants me to know that this fruit applies to my life, to your life, and to the lives of the people around us. Now it’s personal, which is another way of saying that it’s harder, messier, and crunchier because people are involved. I wouldn’t be hostile, jealous, angry, selfish, or divisive if people weren’t in the equation. I really wish I had something to help me with people.

Insert gentleness. I know, not the fruit I would have seen as the solution, yet it is precisely what our world is missing and even craving. Gentleness is a strength, not a weakness; it is active, not passive. Gentleness cares more about people than about being right. Gentleness changes how I say what I’m thinking. Gentleness shifts how I listen to those around me. What if, through gentleness, I trained my ear to listen for something different? How can I take care of people’s hearts? What pain might have brought them to their passionate opinion? In what areas do we have common ground?

In our world, we are surrounded by the fruits of hostility, quarreling, jealousy, anger, selfish ambition, dissension, and division. Could it be that we are placed in a specific place for a specific time, with specific people, for a specific conversation so that we can gently take care of people’s hearts and hurts?

Prayer

Father God, thank You for not leaving us in the hostile, jealous, angry, selfish, and divisive environments that our human nature so easily creates. Give us the courage to own our part in those environments. Thank You, Holy Spirit, for your gentleness with our own hearts and hurts. Your gentleness tenderly shows us how to nourish people’s hearts and hurts and offer the healing only You can bring. In Jesus’ name, Amen.

For Further Reflection

In your next conversation, ask yourself the following questions:

1. How can I take care of this person’s heart?
2. What pain might have brought them to their passionate opinion?
3. What areas do we have in common?