Overcoming PornChikamu

Press “Pause” on Old Patterns and Process the Pain

In overcoming porn use, we don’t just “fall” into unhealthy choices. We go through recurring patterns and cycles before ending in places we swore we’d never go to again. We experience unmet longings, start believing lies, and then respond with unhealthy behaviors. What we need is help in the moments our reactive thinking and feelings begin. We need support, encouragement, and help.

When you encounter a situation where a longing goes unmet, where you’re tempted to turn to porn—take a moment to “press pause.” Walk through this process:

1. Identify the unmet longing you’re feeling. Is it rejection, worry, or anger? Do you feel unsafe, unappreciated, or lonely? What happened today, yesterday, or last week that brought this on?

2. Acknowledge the God-given longing that underlies that sensation. For example, if you’re feeling rejected, you’re feeling an unmet longing for acceptance. If you’re feeling insecure, the God-given longing is for an assurance of safety.

3. Counter lies and negative self-talk with the truth. For example, “I’m feeling worthless and inadequate, but God says I am of great worth in His sight.” Or, “I feel rejected, but I know that I matter and am accepted by God and the people in my life.”

4. Seek the fulfillment of that longing in healthy ways. Call or text a friend or mentor. Share that you feel devalued, process that with them, and ask them to remind you of your true identity. Being open with safe people can help us understand why we return to destructive behaviors, and help us recover and eventually prevent unhealthy choices.

5. Reach out to God. Tell Him how you are feeling and why, and close your eyes and visualize His love and acceptance of you. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you believe the truth and to continue to experience freedom.

Repeating these steps when you experience a situation that leads to unmet longings can reprogram your heart and rewire your brain. Just as porn use releases dopamine in our brains, connecting in meaningful ways with other human beings also releases dopamine. This beautifully displays that rather than coping with porn, we can receive what we are longing for, even down to a neuroscientific level, in the healthy ways God designed for us. With His help, we can overcome unwanted behaviors and thrive in life by taking responsibility for our personal growth.

God, help me put this advice into practice next time I am tempted. Prompt me to pause and process. Help me to remember and rely on Your promises.