Student Leadership 601: Conflict and Communication Chikamu

Day One — Shut Your Mouth

How many times have you been caught up in drama because of a miscommunication? Or made a situation worse because you said something out of anger or something you instantly regretted? Let’s face it — words are hard.

Communication isn’t our culture’s strongpoint. We’ve traded conversations for comments and personal relationships for posting. We’re great at sharing our opinions and canceling those who don’t agree, but contrary to popular belief, that’s not real communication. Communication requires an actual exchange. It involves both speaking and listening.

And if words are hard, listening is usually even harder. We hear what others say, but most of us are just waiting to say what’s on our mind rather than listen to understand what’s on the other person’s heart. It may seem counterintuitive, but if you want to grow in your communication skills, you need to start by shutting your mouth. No cap — that’s what the Bible says.

Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger. James 1:19 (NIV)

Isn’t it interesting that James lists the listening part first? Speaking and anger are secondary and should be approached slowly. The opposite is true of listening — because listening should be our priority, not our afterthought.

When you listen (like really listen), you’re actively trying to understand the person speaking. You’re putting their needs and feelings before your desire to be right. You’re learning from those around you rather than flexing to show how much you know.

When you grow in your listening skills, you’ll become a more powerful communicator. Peter, Jesus’ disciple, is a great example of this truth. He was constantly putting his foot in his mouth and suffering the consequences when he initially began following Jesus, but in Acts we see Peter using that same loud mouth to lead a revival. Peter didn’t settle by saying, “I just speak what’s on my mind because that’s how I was made!” He grew and matured in his communication, which ultimately led to him growing as a leader, and the same can be true for you!

Practical Step: Practice really listening to someone this week. Don’t think of a response while they talk — just listen to what they say with the intent to understand and learn. You can practice this in your prayer life too. Don’t just tell God what’s on your mind — ask God what’s on His heart and search for His answers in His Word.