[Life Of David] A Night Of Passion Becomes A Life Of Pain Chikamu

Stages Of An Affair

A book called Temptations Men Face, by Tom Eisenman, lists the possible stages of an affair for both men and women. The stages of an affair are:

1. Readiness. Maybe you are stressed, not getting along at home, and are not doing anything together anymore. There is just a readiness taking place.

2. Alertness. There is a group of people, but you have noticed them. There was an alertness to that one person.

3. Innocent Meeting. You just ran into each other. Nobody was looking for anything, but you felt your eyes meet and wanted a deeper connection.

4. Intentional Meeting. You say, “I’ll just run by her desk at lunch and see if she’s got any plans today.” “Maybe I will just go to his favorite coffee shop and see if he is there.”

5. Public Lingering. The meeting breaks, but you continue to talk.

6. Private Lingering. You spend time together alone.

7. Purposeful Isolation. You come up with some excuses to be alone.

8. Pleasurable Isolation. “Let’s go get a drink after work.”

9. Affectionate Embracing. You are playful with each other, “Oh, you’re so cute.” And you hug her. You touch his hand.

10. Passionate Embracing.

11. Capitulation. The sexual relationship is consummated.

12. Acceptance. Mutual consent and acceptance. “I am not with him anymore; I am with you.” “I am not with her anymore. I have really got a heart for you.”

I have added one more step I believe is vital for Christian couples struggling with an affair:

13. Discovery and Confession. The affair is discovered or confessed. The pain is suddenly, irreversibly, real.

When we get to the very bottom of this list, we realize an affair is not worth it. Get out of it if you are in it. David is in the wrong place, on the wrong path. One night of pleasure can bring a lifetime of pain. You need to be aware, to be careful. Let this thought pop into your mind at the office, at school, at home, when you are going through the neighborhood and society: It is not worth it.